I found this site probably in the state that many probably do and that is broken and at wits end. I am a 43 year old male married to a wife who has been in and out of hospitals and in patient treatment centers. All the result of a monster of a father. She is amazing and outwardly very successful. A bank CFO and well thought of in that community. On various meds from time to time and usually deals with the daily stuff really well. Until she doesn't. We're a wierd couple. Me, probably overly emotional and sentimental, a real softy wanting us all "to just get along". She, a very independent and aloof person liking her aloneness. Very much like a siamese cat. Also, a real worker. A corporations dream
So, what's the problem? Lexapro seems to be working pretty well. Until it doesn't. Then, I am the root of all things wrong. It's not unusual for me to being apologizing profusley and asking for forgiveness. I spend at the rate of 10:1 seeking answers, reading about the relationship, and trying to work solutions. That usually means that i am giving something or accepting a dress down like many of you know a person with BP can deliver. At times, I begin to believe i am indeed the problem. Stop wanting to be with her. Stop wanting affection. Stop being so darn needy and all would be great.
The most recent "melt down" brought me here. After going to Marrigae Builders website and reading about what needs I am not fulfilling of hers, I finally thought that maybe I should search to see if others are coping with the same scenario. Voila. My wife moved to Scottsdale, not with my endorsement of course, and took our 9 month old baby with her. I attempt to visit often and was just kicked out of the house there threatened with police action if I did not leave. All because i left the house and went up to a local pub for a well needed beer after she fell asleep with the baby. I simply went up there to read a few emails, have a beer, watch the sunset and return as soon as they were up. I arrived to an enraged wife. And when i say enraged, I mean the tone that when she says she is going to call the cops she means it. The rages seem to be getting farther apart but are brutal. Cruel. The words are meant to hurt and slash and cut. Hopefully some of you will understand. I thought they were getting farther apart but maybe not.
I am so tired. Inevitably, I do something that triggers her and then all hell is to pay. There appears to be little to no self awareness that maybe she has a part in the problem du jour. It always ends up the same way; I apologize and commit to doing better. The better is trying to not set her off. I wait in fear of her asking for divorce and taking the baby. After this last episode, I have, for the first time, seriously found this strange peace with that outcome. Don't get me wrong, I love my little with tremendous energy. But I am so tired of giving, giving, and giving. I am so tired of it being all my fault. I feel like i am losing self respect and identity. I love her but I needsome relief. I am committed to her but it sure would be nice of the work and effort was reciprocated. maybe I am enbaling? But then again, how do enable BP?
I am so glad I found this site. It gives me hope and courage. Thanks to all of you who read and care. I could sure use some empathy. LH