I feel bad for you! You monitor your husband like my husband monitors me. He will say to me after a bad episode like this last one,( took a few to many ativan and shaved my hair off, and do not remember the whole thing) that he wishes I could always be as stable I have been over the last few days, it is like we just snap out of it. That is why I know it is hard on you, but if your want to be with your husband it takes a lot of love, and that is what it sounds like, and it is ok to get upset with us, we understand deep down. Please continure to use the chat board and vet all your stressors.