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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 3/31/2009 5:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm really tired of feeling the way I do. The more abnormal I start to feel the more I wonder why I'm here. I use to think that I had some greater purpose, now I'm starting to feel like I'm a complete failure. That everything I touch I break. I have a million and one brilliant ideals but they never get off the ground. I've been fired from multiple jobs and I have lied in the past and said I quit.
I end every relationship I develop the only person to ever stick around is my husband and I kind of latched on to him. I know he feels as though I've ruined his life with my past antics. I'm almost certain he blames me for all our failures. The thought of sacrificing myself to save the people I love from the pain I cause them has crossed my mind more than once. But, honestly I know for a fact I can't even do that right sad  
I was going to start school then I totally lost my brain I can't function right now. I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to be around anyone. I really just want everyone to go away.
The only friend I have in this hole world is my husband and my children and I've caused them so much pain. They deserve much better than me.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 4/1/2009 3:31 AM (GMT -7)   
All is not lost. Your perspective is at fault. You are awfulizing and catastrophizing. Read the Beck Workbook about faulty Bipip thinking and you will see that there is no good nor evil except that thinking makes it so. Grab youself by your bootstraps and get out and do something for someone who has less than you do. You shouldn't find this hard given the current economic sitch. That's the definition of bipolar, real good or real bad, no mister in between. Go take a walk. make an inventory of all the good things in your life. Practice gratitude. Practice acceptance. If you don't know it by now, man plans/God laughs. You couldn't possibly, one handedly affect all those negative things you talk about. You are only in charge of you. Get a grip. Hugs, sis in survival.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 4/1/2009 7:07 AM (GMT -7)   
I know this is not me. But, its getting harder and harder to fight it.
I'm feeling some better today and I feel this overwhelming need to be honest. But, I don't want to sugar coat anything. Therefore there is alot of negative because honestly that is what the truth is alot of negative and very little positive. But, I'll just stay away from here til later no point in making you guys feel bad.
Hope you all feel better not sure if there is any hope left for me.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 4/1/2009 2:44 PM (GMT -7) are in a real bad down time right now. You have to be able to start to see that yes, you may have as you said hurt those you love by past antics. But that is in the past and at some point you must give yourself permission to move on.

I am at that crux in life right now. I have gone back to school, and have for the most part done great. I am passing classes, but am always frustrated at the way my brain works now. I used to be such a good student with a great memory. Now I am an average student who's memory is so bad that I study constantly for my low B average.

Being bipolar as you all know...I am hard enough on myself, that right now I am at odds with my husband because I think he expects too much out of me. I fully believe that he is in denial that my bipolar has changed the way my brain works. I know it is frustrating for him, but I fell that he does not understand that it is even more frustrating for me.

Maybe you need a med check? Maybe you need to do more with your kids, find that joy in life. Do the things that make you feel good about yourself. Learning to live with bipolar is a life long start finding your healthy coping mechanisms now. Don't ever think you are worthless, no one is. Everyone has a purpose. In these down times we should all learn to search even harder for that which makes us feel better about life.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

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