This illness...

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 4/3/2009 3:38 PM (GMT -7)   
This illness amazes me.  Today I am depressed, while the last few days before this I was feeling better.  I often think about those around me, at work for example, who have no idea I'm bipolar and I wonder what they would think if they knew.  And I wonder how they would deal with what I have to deal with everyday.  I know that's not a nice thought.  I believe it's the irritability factor sad
But sometimes, I just cannot believe what I feel with these symptoms.  I get frustrated not being able to explain the severity of what I am going through to my partner.  I would have to say that is one of the most frustrating things.  I feel there are no words to describe it at all.  Therefore I feel I am only babbling on and on or I just simply fall silent.  Most of the time I am silent about it.
It amazes me that this illness is such a stigma in this world.  It feels like there will never be any compassion for those who suffer from this illness.  I think I just feel like my life is a lie.  I go to work in a huge lie.  There are times at work, where I know I need a mental health day, but know I can't take one because if my boss knew, she would fire me.  I lie a lot when I say I am fine to my partner and I am not.  I feel really that I just keep all of this inside of me so know one knows. 
This illness affects us all here on this forum in some form or another.  I am glad that we have here to go to.  Without it, I would be even more enclosed in the huge secret I feel I have to hide (basically).
Anyway, I am disappointed that I am low again today.  I hope all of you are doing well.  Sorry if this post makes anyone feel down.  That was not my intent, just venting.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Risperdal .5mg/day & Lamictal 350 mg/day

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 180
   Posted 4/3/2009 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Vent away. It helps to talk to someone who understands.
Yesterday I was spiraling, out of control...hurt my dh's feelings, worried my son. Today I am just tired. So very tired.
Fibromyalgia, Bipolar Disease, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, Clinical Depression, Arthritis, High Blood Pressure, etc.
Who ever knew I would be defined by my diseases??

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