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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/28/2009 9:35 PM (GMT -7)   
This is my first post and my story I guess...

My wife is bipolar and to be quite honest I am not real sure what to do anymore. She is a beautiful 36 year old mother of 4. She looks like she is in her twenties. 6 and a half years ago her mother passed away suddenly of breast cancer at the age of 53. The whole family took it very hard. My mother-in-law was the rock of the family.

My wife was depressed for a very long time. Little did I know it was the beginnings of bipolar disorder. I did everything I could to comfort her, but nothing worked. She literally slept walked through life the next 2 years. about 4 years after her mom passed I thought that I was getting my wife back. The only noticeable difference was the mood swings. Her temper was out of control at times and she was usually very level headed.

It went quickly down from there. The mood swings intensified. She quit her job. She felt like the whole world was out to get her. about a year ago our healthy sex life went into overdrive. I was not complaining... but when we argued (which was often) she got very nasty. She didn't care how badly she hurt me. She is always good to the kids, but has grown volatile towards them lately. Screaming when she never did that before.

I don't really want to go into all that happened, but where we are now is not a good place. She finally agreed to see a doctor about her problems. She has been going for about 5 months. While her mood swings aren't as bad, she hardly sleeps. She has a deep seeded resentment towards me because (as she puts it) "I have a life outside the house". Meaning I go to work and come home. I see people at work, while she doesn't.

Well, today she went to the doc and they put her on an SSRI. Citalopram to be exact. She is taking that and a sleeping pill at night plus her "nerve pills" during the day. I am extremely worried about her. I'm worried that our troubled marriage of 17 years won't make it. I am worried that she blames me for everything and has even discussed leaving.

I'm not sold on the fact that her doctor is the right one to fix things. I don't know how long it takes to see results, but she's been taking pills for 5 months. I just don't know how much longer I can hold it together.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 4/29/2009 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   
First of all WELCOME! I too am the spouse of someone who is bipolar and you made the right choice in coming here and telling your story. This board has quite a few spouses married to someone with BP who are willing to tell their stories and provide some guidance. It has helped me immensely!

Secondly, I am sorry to hear that things have gotten bad for you and your wife. You said that your wife has been seeing a doctor for five months now. Have you gone to the doctor with her? If not, perhaps she will let you join her in one of her sessions. Many people aren't 100% honest when speaking to doctors so perhaps you can shed some light and that could help her therapy. By going it would also show your support for her and that you want to make your marriage work. BP is not just about taking the meds (and by that I mean being taking the meds as prescribed).

I understand thinking that you can't hold it together - I'm there right now with my husband - but the fact that you came here makes me think that you want to.

We are here for you!


New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/29/2009 10:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the welcome, BPwife. I have mentioned going to the doctor with her, but she was not very excited about that possibilty. I really don't see that happening. I've read the forum quite a bit and some of you guys have a really good outlook on your situations. I hope I can be that way one day.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/29/2009 11:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi bluetiger,

Welcome to HealingWell and to our forum. You've got to give the meds a chance to work. Those SSRI's can take 6 weeks to build up in the blood stream.

I notice you say the doc has her on an SSRI and some "nerve pills" but nothing like a mood stabilizer. So no one has diagnosed her bipolar yet, but you feel that's probable?

I can guess from your post that she's moody, unpredictable, angry a lot, depressed. Do you feel she hasn't been diagnosed correctly? Do you know what the doc has said to her in terms of a diagnosis?

You're right that she probably needs more than meds though. She needs some therapy. Has she tried that before? Is she resistant to it?
She also needs to get out of the house. She all but said so. A part time job, some volunteer work, a club, something to get her out and with people again. That may mean putting kids in daycare or babysitting for a while, but consider it crucial to her mental health. Talk to her about it -- what would she like to do?

I know it's tough to hang in there when you're being blamed for everything and you're doing nothing but trying to help. Just try and remember that people with mood disorders aren't themselves and wouldn't be saying the things they do if they were. She loves you truly, I'm sure. Have you tried to talk to her about how she hurts you? How would she respond to that?

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 4/29/2009 11:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome to the board. SSRI's really take some time to become regulated in the body. Took up to 2 months for me personnally. From what you wrote it does not sound like your wife is on a mood stabilizer...has she been diagnosed as bipolar? If not you should raise that possibility with her doctor...because just being on an antidepressant without a mood stabilizer can worsen the mania of bipolar. I speak from experience. I was wrongly diagnosed as severely depressed and for two years was only on an antidepressant.
Once I was correctly diagnosed and put on a mood life finally started to make sense again. And I could start to see myself from the outside and start repairing some of the damage I had done.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 4/29/2009 12:51 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks for the replies...

No she hasn't been diagnosed as bipolar, even though I'm sure that is what she is. She has been diagnosed as severely depressed. She won't go to therapy. One time a long time ago we went to marriage counseling and she felt like the doc was just picking on her. Ever since then therapy has been out of the question, especially if I am involved. It took me a year and a half to get her to go to the doctor she sees now.


She does have a part time job, so it's not like she is cooped up in the house all the time. I guess I could have explained that a little better, but I felt like I was starting to ramble.

I'm sure it will eventually all work out. It's just hard being in the trenches every day, never knowing what to expect.

Thanks again

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 4/29/2009 3:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi bluetiger.  Don't give up.  I know you can feel helpless with this situation because your wife isn't willing to cooperate.  You must insist that she see the appropriate doctors to get the correct diagnosis and the right treatment.  Don't give up.  It is going to be very tiring to go through all this, but if you truly love her and are willing to go through more of the hell you are already going through, then insist and push and make the appointments and take her to the appointments and see the doctor with her.  
My husband of 10 years is accepting the help and support I am giving him.  He agreed to let me make the doctor appts, the counseling appts, the p-doc appts- all the appointments necessary to get him the help he needs so we can both deal with his bp.  He has had raging manic episodes throughout, he has complained about having to go to the doctor appts, he has said some really mean and hurtful things and I could go on and on, but I have stuck around and tolerated ALL of it for the sake of our marriage, our kids. 
Believe me, I have wanted to just give up on him and leave him to deal with himself by himself, but until I have exhausted ALL the resources we have to get him the help he needs, I won't give up on him or our marriage.  I love the man.  Some days it's really hard to find something good to love about him, but I do love him. 
I go to individual counseling and now we are both going to marriage counseling.  It helps.  This forum helps.  Keep coming here.

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