Helper, I hear your fear and sorrow about what you child is going through. You are not alone. I am a mom to a 15.5 yr old S who is BP II, rapid cycler w/ADHD , and another S who is 8 going through the evaluation process with quick anger triggers, and a mouth of angry words, and ADHD type symptoms. It will turn out to be BP II & ADHD like his older brother, or one or the other. At this point not sure. I will share that we have come close to hospitalization only once with our oldest when he scared himself over an incident.
I completely agree with Serafena, you need additional education which will help you not be so afraid, and allow you to move forward to help your child with the best treatment options for her - even if it means hospitalization. I know it’s sad, I know it is scary....but bottom line....I get you love your daughter and she needs you to be strong enough to give her what she needs right now and it sounds like the hospital at this moment may be it. I will share that I have been dealing with having a BP child for almost 8 years now. My oldest was dx'ed at 8.5. The HARDEST part was finding him the right meds, at the right levels, and staying diligent to not waver in staying out of denial about it all.
Today, while we have our ups and downs, he is a remarkable child and S. He participates in his own wellness having learned about his own condition and how to help communicate and be honest about it with his wellness team. He gets we are all working together for him. You and your daughter will get there too. But it takes time. Sometimes, when they are so unstabalized with meds, the hospital is the BEST place for them to be. It is supportive, it is SAFE, it helps teach them in a good place how to start recognizing things and helping themselves. Your daughter will continue to grow into the wonderful woman she was meant to be, SHE IS NOT GONE…just a little temporarily lost in the muck and mire, but if you get her the help she needs now, and you teach her not to be ashamed about the BP, but learn to OWN it from the beginning as something manageable if she is committed to it. She can surpass your dreams.
As for you mom, you'll get through it too, and eventually, you won't be so afraid, angry or sad. You'll understand that it is nothing more (in many ways) than diabetes and your daughters medication is HER insulin....it just affects balancing her brain chemistry vs. her blood sugar. That wonderful child will surprise you. My S's are loving and wonderful people who will go into the world and do great things one day because I faced the truth and helped them from the beginning when they needed it. So will your daughter. Take a deep breath, come here and get support when you need it, and be brave for your daughter and do what she needs - scary or not. Get honest with yourself and her or you will do her no good. Don't be ashamed, don't wallow in sadness that she has to go through this...hold your head up high and continue loving your daughter and take care of her like you always have. And educate yourself as much as possible. Denial about what is real will serve no one....ESPECIALLY the one you love the most....your daughter. Plus, the longer it takes for her to get help, the worse it will be for her.
Welcome aboard Helper! We're always here to support you, and listen. You'll learn a lot here...just keep breathing and be strong! LFW