My bipolar husband makes me wonder if I'm bipolar too sometimes

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New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/22/2009 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   
I wonder sometimes... Can I become bipolar from living with my bipolar husband??  His constant disregard of our feelings about his swearing and outbursts of anger, put me in a state of emotional numbness...I'm so tired of pointing out that our 11 year old is right here in the room while you are f this-ing  and f that-ing, that I don't know what to do... I retreat into a state of not listening to anything he says and pulling so far away from the situation that I feel like I have no emotions of my own left... does that make any sense to anyone??  Then when I get in a place where I have to interact with other work...I act inappropriately (at least that is what I have been told recently..I don't feel like I am).  I have just recently been told that the women I work with are concerned that I am angry all the time... and feel uncomfortable working with me...I don't really see it as a constant thing... I admit I have my moments...but doesn't everyone? I definitely do not want people to feel uncomfortable around me.  I do think I am angry...well maybe frustrated is a better word...about some things in my life...First off, the position I was hired for has developed over the last 2 yrs into a job with considerably more responsibility than I initially signed on for..and that in and of itself could be my source of emotion al frustration at work, but it could also have something to do with the fact that I have a bipolar husband who can't control his language or anger in front of our 11 year old...the fact that my brother died (illness) in March '09 at the age of 35...My mother (my confidant) died 8 years ago at the age of 60 (illness), my niece age 4 has neuroblastoma (still in treatment but is in cancer remission)and the fact that there is NEVER enough money to do the things I want to do for my dtr.. The fact that after my husband was dx'd (our dtr was 1.5 yrs old) HE decided that we weren't going to have anymore children (I wanted more)...And the fact that I feel completely out of control in how my life plays out...I try to put on a brave front, but I feel like I have no joy left in my life... I feel like I'm not showing my dtr what life should be about because I'm having trouble KNOWING for myself...I believe everything happens for a reason and I can be a source of support to others in dire straights but when it comes to my own life I am having trouble finding happiness...It just all seems so dismal... sometimes... yet other days I am extremely optimistic... maybe I'm just approaching "the change" and my hormones are out of control...who knows?
I have been married for 14 years...we dated for 2 yrs before...we had our dtr 2 yrs after we got married and when she was 18 months he was dx'd ( bad psychotic episode of BP)... he has since always taken his meds and says he doesn't ever want us or him to have to go through that again. He always appologizes after every single outburst and always thanks me for meals, laundry etc...that being said I never know when that next outburst will hour ...a day... aweek? a minute??   How am I supposed to keep it together??? 
I am going to see my doc today, so we'll see what happens... I honestly thought I was doing ok... according to my co-workers  I'm not...
They did say they are concerned..not mad.. about my behavior..but are definitely uncomfortable working around me...
I feel badly about that...

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/22/2009 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi flutterbys,

Welcome to healingwell and to the bipolar board.

You're not bipolar too. Bipolar isn't catching. If you are, it was there all along. No, what you are is a super-stressed out, over-burdened, under-supported mom of two with a bipolar spouse. You need help and I'm glad you made and appointment. I'm no doc, and won't try to diagnose you, but you need some therapy to help you deal with the huge responsibility and stress of living with a bipolar spouse. It's not easy. It's a commitment. And as you'll see from the others on this board, it's hard, it's nerve-wracking, it's unfair, it's often lonely. Therapy can help you deal with your own emotions about all that and give you some new ideas for how to deal with him.

Second, you sound like you might have some anxiety/depression issues on top of that and seeing a doc could hook you up with a prescription to help you deal with your own anger problems.

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now. Try and convince him to get his bp a little more under control as well. He shouldn't be screaming in front of the kids. Perhaps he could use some therapy too?

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/23/2009 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the feedback ...doc appt went well...I need to consider whether or not this job is worth all the aggravation it appears to be causing.  and he put me on pristiq and I am going to see a therapist in the next week or so..can't make an appt till after the holiday... I guess I've known for a while that I need to do this again...and I guess I'm sorta glad my boss took me aside....we'll see maybe I won't go back next year (I am a noninstructional employee at a school)... we'll see...thanks for listening and for replying as well...I tried talking to hubby about the whole situation and he got of course I dropped it... I guess I will call his pdoc and fill him in...he isn't due back till aug. though...we'll see...good weather usually helps his moods!! yeah Its a better day far... hahaha

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 5/24/2009 11:18 AM (GMT -7)   

Yep, therapy is good for you.   Most spouses of Bp need to incorporate that for themselves as well but you especially have a lot of other stressors in your life besides your husband.

I hope your husband is getting therapy for himself too.  Again, Bp & seeing a therapist usually always go hand in hand.

I wish you both wellness!  blush

 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
Leo Buscaglia

Post Edited (sukay) : 5/24/2009 12:30:59 PM (GMT-6)

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 10/29/2009 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Sounds like you are burnt out. Is it possible to take a vacation from your bipolar husband? You need time and space to center yourself. How about considering TLC from people who care about you such as friends, family as well as seek a therapist to unload your feelings? If this dire situation continues, you need to seriously consider physically distancing yourself and your 11 y.o. for the sake of your life and your child's.
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