Tennisdoc09, First...it is good you can see what is going on with you. Because of that, you have a shot at manually controlling what you are going through, or at least minimizing the damage to others it can cause. While it is not your fault that you are BP, it is ALSO not others fault that you are either. To recognize that what you are feeling at this time is tainted, and not real, and does not deserve any value placed on it, is a start. The other is to humbly and honestly as calm as possible, explain to those around you what is happening and that you will do your best to control your outbursts, that you know it is not them, it is you, and you in advance apologize and ask their patience with you during this episode. That when they can it is probably best to leave you alone for the time being, that you will let them know when you stabilize again and do not feel so out of control. IF, you do go off on someone, simply say, "I'm sorry, you have really not done anything wrong, I am just being oversensitive and out of control." And then walk away.
Bottom line, it is no one’s fault that you are BP, and how you react inside or outside an episode, with or without your meds working, is your responsibility. I am a spouse to a BP, and I will share with you that when he gets like you are describing, the only thing that helps being on the receiving end, and certainly creates more patience and understanding on my end, is when he begins it and catches himself and apologizes acknowledging that I actually was not doing, had not done, anything. This was him, and he was sorry, he is/was having an episode and is/was being over sensitive to everything. This then allows me to control my voice and keep it more gentle, leave him alone when he needs it, not take it personal...etc. When he doesn't see it, and lashes out with no apology, and just dumps on me....all I want to do is defend myself & we end up fighting....and for what....his episode? Then I am fighting and defending myself against the BP not my H, and that is a losing battle for all involved in that moment. The win-win is the other.
Good luck to you, and good job on reaching out and comminicating. Also, call you pdoc and let him know the meds may need some adjusting as episodes are breaking through...I will hold good thoughts for you that the episode eases up soon. LFW