My husband was only diagnosed recently with BP. His meds worked extremely well for a little while, but lately, he's been in a depressed state. He has a lot of physical manifestations with this - slurred and slow speech, heavy breathing, sleeping 16-18 hours a day, trouble with coordination, etc. (This is how he was pre-diagnosis and pre-medication when he would be in a depressed state, it is nothing new, so I don't think the meds are causing it.) He also has personality and mood changes, including irritiability and hostility.
It's clear to everyone who interacts with him that he is "not himself." But he believes he is acting perfectly normal. He has an explanation for everything, including the sleeping long hours, which is the most objectively-verifiable symptom. He will not call his pdoc, and he doesn't want me to, either. He went from being seen there once a week to being on a schedule of every other week, but then his nurse practictioner had a family emergency and all appointments were cancelled. We're kind of in limbo there, and again, my husband won't call to follow up.
My question is, Is it OK for me to comment on how he's acting? Is it OK to talk to my kids (13 and 18, his stepkids, they live with us) about what's going on? It makes my husband angry and withdrawn if I do these things, but it's really hard to pretend everything is OK when it's not. It's especially hard when he's illogical, hostile, or irritable with the kids and expects me to back him up by supporting what he says. The last two days, I've felt like I'm at the end of my rope, and I've told him explicitly that I don't think he is OK and that he needs to get in touch with the pdoc's office. I also intervened when he started berating my older son at church on Sunday, which was also graduation day - my husband expects instant obedience from the kids, even if what he demands is not really necessary or well thought out, which it wasn't in this case. Needless to say, he has pretty much stopped talking to me. But I feel better about myself as a person and as a mother.
How do people balance the need to be supportive to a BP spouse with family needs?
Thanks for any thoughts or comments.