My husband saw the nurse practioner today - for those of you who didn't see my earlier post on walking on eggshells, he was diagnosed with BP several months ago, and about two weeks ago went into the first serious depression he's had since starting the meds. She added Abilify to what he already takes (lithium) and said she wanted to see him once a week again to help him manage this depression. But she also told me that I should not say anything to him that is critical or could be heard as critical while he's depressed - even if he's being hostile to my kids. She said, as long it's not life threatening, just let it go. She said that the kids will grow up and have their own issues no matter what I do or don't do, and it's more important to support my husband by refraining from commenting, even if he's being a jerk, than to intervene on the kids' behalf. My immediate reaction is that, if that is what it takes for him, then I guess we need to get a divorce. I am not really happy with the idea that I can't say anything on my own behalf if he's rude or inconsiderate, but that I need to let him treat my kids badly is just inconceivable to me. And that I also have to try to find positive things to say about him and his parenting, even if he is being a jerk, is just not something I feel I can do.
I understand that he's not well, and that he probably doesn't have much self-insight when he's depressed and that his ego is fragile and all that. But it just is not right to be rude and hostile, especially to kids.
I don't know what I am going to do. I hope the Abilify and increased therapy help, but I just feel like the role I'm being told to play is not one I can play.