Newbie - wife of BPII spouse

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/7/2009 5:04 PM (GMT -7)   
New member here and glad to see a forum for Bipolar. I've been married to my dxBPII husband for 21 years and we've got 3 children 10, 10 and 12. He's been medicated since his dx 2 years ago but has not been 100% compliant as he forgets to get his rx refilled or just plain forgets for sometimes days at a time. While he's not physically abusive, he's been very hurtful verbally and has fits of rage that keeps the children and myself walking on eggshells. It used to be easier to forgive, forget and move on beyond the hurt of his comments but the past year has left me with nothing but a shell of who I used to be. He drains me completely dry of my energy and now even when he's on his "up" phase his energy level is so high that now it too has become a source of pain and drain for me.

I would love to be separated or divorced from him but my guilt keeps me from moving forward. I hate to dissemble a family especially for the children's sake. He's been really good lately - but I can't even enjoy his goodness anymore because I just wait for the other shoe to drop.

I'm hoping that through this forum I may be able to meet and chat with others in my position. Thanks to all of you who facilitate this venue for gaining insight.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 6/7/2009 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome rollercoasterqueen,

I'm glad you've found the bipolar forum too, welcome to HealingWell.

We have plenty of spouses on our board because living with a bipolar person is very difficult, especially when he's not 100% compliant. Unmedicated bipolars can be very unreasonable, verbally abusive, unpredictable, and emotionally distant. Even once we're medicated, if the meds aren't working, we can fall back into the mood swings.

Nevertheless, you should not just put up with it. You deserve to live a life too. I think your first step should be to get some therapy or counseling for yourself. You need someone to talk to help you deal with the anger and frustration that builds up from living with someone with a chronic mood disorder.

Second, feel free to insist that he be compliant with his meds as a condition of your continued cooperation. If he is taking his meds and he's still having extreme mood swings, his meds aren't working so hot and he needs to see his doc for an adjustment.

Glad to have you,
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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