I have to agree with the other two writers. The best analogy I have, is when flying on an airplane, when they describe the oxygen masks dropping, if you are flying with a child, they tell you to use the oxygen for yourself first. I asked why, once. The stewardess said, "if you don't make it, your child won't make it" and therefore you have to be intact and functional before you can help somebody else. Melody Beatty also wrote "The Language of Letting go"' I must have bought fifty copies of this book and handed them out to friends and family over the years. I read it first thing every morning. I am seriously co-dependent, almost killed me. As for caretaking my 22 year old son, whom I have been caretaking since last February, he cleaned me out so July 1st, I am moving to a one bedroom apt.,
I suspect if your brother were on his own, he would quickly connect with services for himself. You are providing him with an excuse not to do what he has to do. As you obviously aren't well, perhaps your husband could sit down with your brother and calmly explain why he has to get a place of his own. Since you are emeshed with your brother, you can't set the boundaries with him that need setting. He is acting out, leaving things undone, and that is his problem, not yours. Acting out soon fizzles when the audiance disappears. Maybe you and hubby could take a couple of days and go camping or something and tell him, he has untill to get his stuff out. Good Luck.