At the End of My Rope with My BP Wife

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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 6/16/2009 6:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I've been married for 14 years and we have 4 beautiful children, ages 14 months to seven years. I am 44 and she is 40. Unfortunately, I am really nearing the end of my rope with my bipolar wife.
I knew she was bipolar and on meds when we got married. At the time, I thought no one is perfect and that at least she acknowledged her problem and was doing something about it.
She is a very good woman and she does an admirable job hiding her BP from the outside world. While everyone thinks she is wonderful and good-hearted, and she is, only I know the truth - that without her medication she would be a psychotic wreck (I know this for a fact; she went off her meds in 1998 and nearly landed in the hospital) and that at home, she is constantly irritated and moody, snapping at me and our kids.
But that's not the worst part.
The worst part is the side effects of her medication. She takes Zyprexa, Prozac and at least one other medication. Unfortunately, these medications knock her out. She is impossible to wake up in the mornings. She is so often late to work that she is on the verge of losing her job. I get up at 5 every morning just to start the ritual of getting her up and out of bed. She takes every opportunity to rest for a few minutes thereafter - even in the shower - and I have to wake her up all over again. And when she's finally out of the house, I have to get my kids up and ready for school. Then I have to get to work myself. I don't get home from work until 8 p.m. and have a long commute.
At night, she often just plops into bed at 8:30, claiming that her medication is knocking her out. She leaves me to put the kids and the baby to bed. And the next morning, I have to start the procedure all over again.
Can someone tell me if BP medication makes one so tired that all they can do is go to bed? I am angry at her because I feel that she isnt dedicated to her family, that if she was, she would fight her drowsiness long enough to take care of some of the kids. My son has already been kicked out of his swimming program on Sundays because my wife could not get him there on time for his lessons. Finally, the instructor cancelled the rest of his program, having been stood up too many times.
I can't function like this - I am not that young and I am not in great health myself (I'm hypothyroid, have asthma and have a heart valve problem that requires me to have regular visits to a cardiologist). I simply don't have the strength to continue like this.
Is my wife really getting this knocked out? Or is she just being lazy? 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 6/16/2009 8:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi paktype,
Welcome aboard to the Healingwell forum on Bipolar. I'm sure you'll find it very helpful.
When medications are not adjusted properly this can definitely happen.  I know, I've been there!  You really need to stress the importance to your wife that she needs to get into seeing her pdoc and let him know what is going on so that he can adjust her medications.
A lot of times bipolars are not aware of how they are reacting and need the support of those around us to help let us know, in a gentle way that it's time to get back to the doctor to let them know that things aren't working out too good.
I would ask her to call her pdoc to make an appointment a.s.a.p.  She shouldn't have to tolerate this.  It is an awlful feeling.
Best wishes.

 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
Leo Buscaglia

Post Edited (sukay) : 6/16/2009 9:32:21 PM (GMT-6)

Tuff love
New Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 6/17/2009 1:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow you just described my household. My wife takes meds to get her to sleep, but then to get her up in the mornings...ugh.. I hate it. She is very mean and cranky. Once she takes her 8am meds, she comes out of the zombie state.

What drives me nuts is getting the house ready (kids dressed, lunches, know the routine well). I go to the gym in the morning (5am) and come home then wake up everyone else....I used to go fishing Saturday mornings, I used to do photoshoots and attend car shows. I used to go on photowalks with professional photographers to learn their "tricks of the trade".

Now, its just waiting around for her to get up and get the day going. I get drained watching her rush everyone in the morning since she didnt get up when the alarm goes off. I tell her to set her alarm 30 minutes earlier to give herself that time to get out of the haze she's in. Oye..if looks could kill...

Pdoc said its normal, its what she needs otherwise she stays up until 2 or 3am with that train of thoughts going. Then...argh...she'll take a nap mid day Saturday and Sunday!

I am one of those people that would stay up all day/night if sleeping were an option. I dont watch tv, read very little, but love to be outdoors (live in Florida). I love the beach, kayaking, fishing, shell hunting, zoo, etc...Its hard though with 3 kids (10,9 & 4). Then she feels left out when I do things with them while she is sleeping.

I'm with you. Some days I feel that I am losing myself to this routine and will wake up one day with nothing but resent for her for the time "lost". Dont get me wrong, I love my family to death...but I too need a break.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 6/17/2009 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm truly sorry to hear that your own routines are being disrupted, but your wives are ill and they need those medications to function at all. Medications constantly need to be adjusted and replaced. It sounds like their medications are out of whack and they need to see their docs to have them adjusted. They should not be so sleepy. Also look into sleep apnea. I have sleep apnea, and before I got my CPAP machine, I was falling asleep at 7pm in the evening and couldn't get out of bed in the morning. That said, I know plenty of non-medicated people who are just as tough to wake up in the morning.

Good luck,
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 180
   Posted 6/17/2009 4:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Serafina. Your wives need to see the pdocs, and talk about the side effects of the meds. That said, my meds have been working really well with the least side effects ever for the last year. Even so, when I got up with my kids in the morning to get them to school, I would find myself falling asleep over the stove fixing breakfast. I need to be in bed til after 7, preferably 8. Not I want to....I need to. Then I can function.

So what I am saying is: even if they get adjusted, and find a better mix of meds for them, there will always be side effects...often drowsiness.

Hang in there guys. Commitment shows an abundance of love for your families.

Fibromyalgia, Bipolar II, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety, Arthritis, High Blood Pressure, etc.

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 6/18/2009 7:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, I'm glad that my spouse isn't the only one to suffer from this drowsiness problem. Misery loves company, I guess rolleyes .
My heart goes out to anyone suffering with this terrible disorder. Hopefully there will be a cure someday.
As far as commitment is concerned, no worries there. I adore my wife, I always have and have below zero intention of ever leaving her. Its just that I'm entering middle age (my dad died at age 50) and I'm starting to worry about what the stress is doing to my own health.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 6/18/2009 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Then it is time, paktype, for you to take care of your own health. I have recommended counseling to my own husband several times on account of the stress of living with me, and he has done it a couple of times. Make sure you stay on top of any health issues of your own and be on the lookout for symptoms of depression in yourself, as that is not uncommon.

Good luck to you!

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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