I have no officially be diagnosised with Bi Polar yet, but it is a strong possiblity and I am going to the doctor on Monday and will hopefully have a firm diagnosis. Maybe I'm just looking for a reason to why I act or feel the way that I do, I don't know. I just want some answers and I do know or actually feel like something is wrong with me.
I am ruining my marriage and I don't know how to stop myself from doing it. I am severly depressed, very impulsive, financially irresponsible, severe mood swings, irritated easily, highs and lows at the same time, and not really suicidal thoughts but have thought that things would be better off "if" I were dead. Have never thought about hurting myself or others. I have had severe insomnia for years, anxeity, and depression on and off for the past 15 years.
I cannot control myself at all and I don't know what to do and it is costing me my marriage. I was diagnosised with severe depression back in February and started taking meds for it. I was doing pretty good for a little while but now I am back to feeling and acting like I was before. I am so financially irresponsible that I have let get out of hand. It's not like we don't have the money to pay, I just don't do it. I'm not out shopping or anything (but I have done that in the past spend like you wouldn't believe).
Dh said in the past that if I mess up one more time that he is gone, well I did mess up again. He doesn't know about it yet, and I have no idea how to tell him. If it is Bi Polar then I have an excuse and need to learn how to control it. If it's not, then I don't know what my problem. But I can tell you, even if it is Bi Polar, that is not going to make a difference to him. He doesn't think anything is wrong with me.
I don't know what to do. Maybe like I said I'm just looking for an excuse. But has anyone else felt this way or acted this way?
Thanks for listening