Well coaster....a lot of what you have written about
your wife's actions...could have been written by my husband. A lot of what I did does not make sense, it doesn't even make sense to me now looking back. I am also fairly intelligent, was always a straight A student, etc. But the choices I made as far as spending, were just stupid.
My husband is very "black and white", so bipolar for him is very confusing. For him everything must have a definite answer. So excusing a lot of actions because of a disease was very foreign to him. But once he learned about
the disorder more, went with me to therapy appointments, and most importantly when I started to take responsibility for taking care of the bipolar...he was able to see.
I spent, and then hid the bills. I was taking money out of a money market account to cover up the spending on the credit cards...I ended up depleting that account. I
opened additional credit card accounts in both of our names. Everything was very illogical. Especially the thought process that makes you believe that no one will notice at some point. So it might be wise for you to run a credit check on both of you to start taking care of any damage before it gets out of hand.
I was also taken off of all accounts. It was hard at first, but now I rather like not having to pay the bills and balance the check book. After a while my husband did allow me to
open a savings account, and every month he puts in some money, so that I can still feel like an adult, go to fast food if I want, or go to the grocery for a last minute item needed for dinner, etc.
I hope your wife continues looking forward, to help her start living a better life. I tell you it is horrible to be in her shoes. Trust me, she does not want to be this harmful and hurtful. Regret and guilt go hand in hand for a person with bipolar.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch