Posted 6/23/2009 9:33 AM (GMT -6)
Your post sounds a lot like you venting and that's good. Everything you said in your post is valid and understandable.
My husband has BP and for many, many, many years felt the way you do. That taking the pills is a horrible way of life and it's just a way for the pharma companies to make money. But, as I told him the selfish part is when you don't take the meds because you don't see that you are hurting everyone around you.
I don't know what your support system is, but you should tell them just what you posted here. BP is such a complex condition and, well, life is just hard in general so it makes sense for you to feel conflicted. As soon as I found out my husband has BP I read everything I could get my hands on. This was to show him that although I don't know exactly what he's going through, I understand what BP is and I can and will do whatever it takes to support him. It took him three years to see that taking the meds was OK, having BP was OK and that I will stand next to him every bit of the way.
Feel better and good luck! ((HUGS))