Newbie looking for understanding and help

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damaged goodz
New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/5/2009 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
 Hello, I'm new to this site. I just registered today. I have been doing research on this condition on and off for some time now. I've taken online quizzes about bipolar disorder and can identify with the symptoms that come with it. I've tried to seek help a couple of times but no one every really listens. Doctors I have seen about this, listen to me for under five minutes and just write me a prescription for the symptoms I've experienced. Here's some brief information about myself, I'm a 37 year old female, I've managed to destroy every meaningful relationship in this time. I don't have friends. Me and my family haven't spoken in almost four years. I live with a man that I've had a relationship with on and off for 15 years and I have taken him through the ringer but somehow my razor sharp tounge won't stop. I'm alone and need someone who understands and won't be judgemental or call me crazy. Is there any one online now that i can chat with? No one can be as hateful as ive been with people and because of this im alone. All i have is my dog and sometimes i feel he doesn't like me either. I know Im a good person under this but how can i find her. My biggest fear in life is when i die, i won't be missed. cry

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 229
   Posted 7/5/2009 9:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear damaged goodz,
My daughter is bipolar manic depressive. And yes, she put us through the ringer.You need to find a good psychiatrist and counselor that you can feel free to talk to. Being bipolar means that you have a chemical imbalance in your brain and only the right medication can help you keep it under control. Most bipolar patients don't like to take their meds, especially if their are bipolar manic depressive because the meds even out those highs and lows. When you are manic the world is wonderful and them when the depressive part steps in the whole world is against you.
My daughter is 31 yrs. old and she started having trouble in high school. She is a wonderful, smart, kind young woman. She wanted to be a school teacher and she would have been a wonderful one but she didn't go to college because of the abuse she got from her "friends" in school who when they found out that she was in counseling passed it around that she was a "freak" and that she was "crazy". That would be hard enought to deal with as an adult but at 16 yrs. of age it was more than she could deal with. They tried several meds before they found one that she could take and not be so sleepy. She took meds for several years and then stopped them. Luckily she has gotten along fairly well but now has began to have problems again so she has made an appt. with a doctor. She has a 16 month old beautiful son and she had some problems with post-partum depresion when he was 4 months old but I think that never really went away totally. For her to say she was getting into trouble again was a big step for her because she is so embarassed from the problems in high school. So, do YOURSELF a big favor and get to a good psych doctor right away. It can change your life IF YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS! I wish you well and will say a prayer for you as this is tough.
Degenerative disc disease,osteoarthritis, status post 4 cervical spinal surgeries with plate insertions and fusion, Lupus, Sjogren's Disease, Fibromyalgia, chronic heacaches and chronic pain.
Find blessings in every day!

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/6/2009 5:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi damaged goodz,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board.

Have you ever visited a psychiatrist? Regular docs aren't nearly as well trained as psychs about mental health conditions and if you're talking about something like bipolar, the best answer is to see a psychiastrist for a screening.

I can't say from your description whether you sound bipolar or not, but you definitely sound unhappy. For that, I'm really sorry. So in addition to recommending you make an appointment with a psych, I think you should try to find a counselor or therapist very soon. They can help you identify some of the pieces in your life which are making you most unhappy and help you figure out how to make them work again.

And as always, please keep coming here and telling us about it. We're a support group in ourself.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

damaged goodz
New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/7/2009 6:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I just want to thank serafena and nurse 2 for your respones. Yesterday I did get some numbers of therapist, I do need someone to talk about whatever this thing is. I'm in college and tuition is just too high for me to be dealing with this. Attaining my degree means so much to me and I want and desire a good living from it but if I can't get this condition under control, no one is going to hire me and if they do I fear that if i have an episode i could lose my job. I'm just so lonely and scared. I voluntairly(sp) isolate myself from social events because i fear I'm out of place and don't belong. I have no friends or family and it's really hard to hold on to my faith and try to press on.  I just wish I had some real support and unconditional love. sad cry shakehead

Bipolar chick
New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/7/2009 9:07 AM (GMT -7)   
I feel so anxious and worried all the time.  I am afraid to leave the house and go meet with people or be in any social situation.  Especially if it has to do with work or friends, so i've become a hermit and lost all my friends over the past 2 years.  I too feel out of place and like I don't belong and feel people might be judging me.  I fear what they must think of me and my situation in life, like how i've turned out to be such a loser.  I wish there was a miracle to help me be normal and not feel so anxious and worried all the time.  My psychiatrist has put me on abilify and wellbutrin combination so I'm hoping it works out soon.  So far not feeling any better.  Just thought i'd share...

damaged goodz
New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/7/2009 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Chick, thanks for sharing. I can totally relate as to how you feel. I have this list of therapists and a little hesitant in calling but I know I need to. I feel anxious a lot too I can't remember the last time I've had a good nights sleep. But my anger is uncontrollable and unappropriate.......I feel empty so I'm not sure if I'm Bipolar or suffereing with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have experienced some bipolar episodes but just about everything about BDP describes me to a T.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/7/2009 11:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey damaged goodz.

I am the token male here. I show up here at the treehouse for a little while then go on along. My only tidbit to tell you is you are not damaged goods. Yes, you have created some problems and made a few bad decisions. But you are so valuable. How do you know that you have not already helped someone's life? You will probably never know. What if someone here that does not want to post but reads your posts and goes and gets help? It could happen. You are so, so valuable. Maybe in the future you will become an expert at this disease due to the research you have done.

And, one way to be sure that you will be missed is if you miss others. Maybe grandparents, an Uncle, the paperboy. If you miss people they will miss you. Just works that way for some reason.

I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.

I used to be crazy, but now I have enough money to be called eccentric.

damaged goodz
New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/13/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much, Cap

You're comment was so uplifting and encouraging. Thank You

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 7/13/2009 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I definitely agree with all the other posters.
Please don't hesitiate any longer with getting yourself some therapy.  You really deserve it!
Keep pressing forward!  I wish you all the best! blush
P.S.  Most people who have bi-polar incorporate seeing a therapist as part of their wellness program, so you are not alone.
 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
Leo Buscaglia

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