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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 7/10/2009 3:52 PM (GMT -7)   
So, my hubby has been moved out for a month and a half and what a difference it's made.  There is peace in our home once again!  He's had 2 slip ups (drinking) since he's been out - I only found out b/c my sister happened to be out one of the nights he went out.  But thankfully it hasn't been hard on us.  I need help with my co-dependency... he screwed up and I bailed him out... I know it's not going to help him if I help him or bail him out all the time, but I don't want him to go hungry or homeless, I love him afterall. 
He's starting to see the grass isn't greener on the otherside and that he had it pretty good when he was with me.  He's gone back to his meetings (which he stopped going) as well as his counsellor.  He's got another appt with his pdoc in a couple weeks for med review, but so far he seems pretty stable and grounded... don't get me wrong, his immaturity level hasn't come up MUCH - but it's improved and at least he knows what he wants and is trying to reach it.  He's having a hard time finding a job in this economy which doesn't help his finances.  We're both struggling financially but are still determined to make things work.
I'm glad we did this.  We needed it - it really gave us a new perspective on things and helped us realize what we each want out of this.
I'm at a crossroad.
I don't know if I want this roller coaster for the rest of my life.  But i'm torn with my views on marriage and divorce vs. my want to be happy and live a normal life with a "normal" man.
I know it's a decision only I can make, but I don't have to make it today so i'll keep plugging away at this for now and hope that things get better.
Life is either a daring adventure... or nothing
-Helen Keller

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 7/10/2009 7:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope things work out for the best for you. You are right though, with the fact that you can't keep bailing him out. He needs to learn that what actions he takes has consequences, that he has to deal with on his own. If you keep bailing him out, he will keep screwing up and coming back to you for help....I wish you the best, you deserve it.


Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/11/2009 4:57 PM (GMT -7)   
It's good to hear you sounding so strong and wise, BD_Spouse. You don't have easy decisions to make, but you are so right, you don't have to make them today. Just keep moving forward, thinking about your own needs too, and you'll do okay. Good for you!

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 7/12/2009 10:31 PM (GMT -7)   
BD Spouse...I am happy for you. It is hard to do what is right sometimes. And you have given us all an example of following through and doing what needs to be done. I hope you continue to look forward and feeling good!
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 7/13/2009 12:00 AM (GMT -7)   
BD_Spouse, I hope you are as proud of yourself as all the rest of us are to see how well you are handling everything thus far. Giving it time and space will certainly give you the perspective you need to make the decisions in the future you will need matter what you decide. Trust yourself, and remember, your life and happiness counts as much as his. Whatever decision you make, trust yourself that it will be what in the end, is right for you all. I am sending well wishes to you all. LFW

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 7/13/2009 9:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Stop feeding the Vampires in your life!  devil

They will drain you! cry

Codependent relationships doesn't help them either. shakehead

Believe in Your Own worth!  You will attract Healthy relationships only when you can correctly take care of yourself. blush

Keep up the Good Fight!

 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
Leo Buscaglia

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