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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 7/26/2009 11:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I am now on three meds and feel like the more I add, the crazier I am. I have a sister who is loud, boisterous, obnoxious, type A, pretentious, etc. that my parents suggested I visit to bond because we are so clearly different. I'm 22, live at home (while I figure out how to deal with my recent bipolar diagnosis) and feel very unproductive even though I know that if I have some downtime, spending it in therapy is a productive activity. Anyway, my point: I procured information that I should not have been privy too, but now feel guilty. I read e-mails my sister has been writing to her friends and boyfriend about me. I know it was wrong, but it made me really sad. She describes me as being "quiet", "anti-social", "crazy", "stressful", "anxious" and seems to think that my visiting is something that stresses her out and that annoys her. I get the vibe that she feels some of these feelings, because she patronizes me and thinks of me as her little sister that is helpless and has to be her charity case. We have blowup fights, but I'm the one to bring them up, and I'm the only one that gets worked up or cries. She tells me she's sorry that I feel like she's been patronizing, because she didn't know she was doing it. I'm angry because I've told her several times the behaviors she exhibits that make me feel like that, and she chooses to not change her behavior.

My real problem is that she is telling other people these terrible things about me. She wrote an e-mail to her boyfriend about me before I even met him. It's bad enough that she's thinking these things - that I can't convince her aren't true - but worse that she's putting these ideas in people's heads so that when I meet or see them they walk on eggshells around me too because I'm on mood stabilizers. Even if she doesn't mention my medications, her friends definitely have only negative images of me from these horrible e-mails. Why can't she tell me these things herself ? To my face she says "I want to talk about this, too", "I love you - you're my sister", "I'm worried about you" but behind my back she doesn't seem to care about my feelings but rather how my craziness affects her and her life.

A few weeks ago, I made it clear how I felt about our relationship. I planned this visit to her city was to reconcile. I was under the impression that after I revealed my feelings the last time we saw each other she would think about what I had said. I was planning on getting here and having her initiate a conversation. Instead of starting a conversation with me, she talked to her boyfriend about their relationship and how worried she was about it. She left me alone in a park, with her things (preventing me from going anywhere) while they had their heart-to-heart. I have heard her talk about how she is frustrated, sad, scared, etc. about what will happen to her relationship with her boyfriend, but she shows no interest in my concerns or feelings. She gets more worked up talking about her job than about me and my problems with her. She even asked me if I was still mad (since last we saw each other). That alone tells me that she doesn't care. I don't find it very fair that I am so angry at her (a fact she knows) and she doesn't care at all. She's all hunky-dory even though she's making me so mad. My anger has no purpose.

I can't help feeling like she thinks that somehow my drugs (Ritalin, Wellbutrin, and Lamictal) affect her (horribly skewed and incorrect) perception of me. It's almost as if my feelings aren't legitimate because I take drugs. The only worry she has displayed is a worry that I will hurt myself. I have no suicidal tendencies, and look forward to a productive life once I get my meds figured out. Any worries she has about me, in short, revolve around the idea that she is superior (which I don't think she is, but apparently she does), I am inferior, she is saving me, and I am a weak child that she needs to take care of.

Blah. I don't even know why I wrote this. I guess because someone told me recently - and I think it's true - that you're only paranoid if nothing's chasing you. I had always had these fears (or thoughts) that my sister thought these things, but she always told me she loved me, I wasn't socially awkward, etc. when in reality she thought these horrible things and confirmed my fears. I guess I'm just not sure where my bipolar / ADHD fits into all this. Would I feel like this if I wasn't on drugs ? Is it because I'm on drugs that I feel this way ? Do the drugs let me think clearer thoughts and I'm only now seeing that she has these completely wrong preconceived notions about me ? Help ?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 7/27/2009 1:34 AM (GMT -7)   
If it were me I'd just let her alone period if she didn't like it tough!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 7/27/2009 12:22 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Bluemoon,

I think you see things for what they truly are.  I think your sister just tries to put labels on you.

Ok, you made a mistake by reading her e-mails. Don't do that again! wink    You have to realize that everyone says things.  The fact that you actually read them hurts.  Of coarse it would.  The fact that you feel the hurt and see how your sister is treating you all the time has nothing to do with your bipolar I think.  You're just seeing her for who she truly is.

It doesn't matter what she told her friends...I'm sure they know how she is too!  When you are with them, just be yourself and they will see that you are nothing like your sister describes you to be.

Also, don't look to her for advise or someone who you can confide in.  Obviously she is just self centered.  Keep up with your therapy appointments.  That is what helps.

Make less visits with her. wink

 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
Leo Buscaglia

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 7/28/2009 7:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Probably shouldn't have read her emails... but I'm nebby as all heck too. If you wouldn't have read the emails how would you have known... guess that could be seen as good or bad. Good... you wouldn't be upset by it. Bad... you know what she is really thinking and telling people.

I often don't know what my family thinks but I get a lot of... you poor little fragile thing from my mother. Both of my sisters are too busy and self absorbed to know I exist let alone care about how I am doing. My one sister had a cancerous brain tumor and lives at my parents, when I was forced to move in after a hospital stay she was nothing less than a raging pain... it's like it all has to be about her. If I say that I am miserable, keep in mind I'm talking to my Mom not her, she insists on saying she is more miserable. When I say that I am struggling and have no life, why has this happened to me... my Mom says... it could be worse at least you don't have a brain tumor. SURE instead I have what seems to be to me an incurable disease.

I'd give your sister space... but then again... that comes from a person that has basically no contact with her sisters at all. Good luck to you, hang in there!

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 8/2/2009 11:26 AM (GMT -7)   
bluestbird said...
I get a lot of... you poor little fragile thing from my mother... it's like it all has to be about [my sister]. If I say that I am miserable...she insists on saying she is more miserable. When I say that I am struggling and have no life, why has this happened to me... my Mom says... it could be worse at least you don't have a brain tumor. SURE instead I have what seems to be to me an incurable disease.

THANK YOU ! It is reassuring to hear your story because it mimics mine. I do get (what I feel to be fake) sympathy from my parents - but still feel like, yeah, everyone is walking on eggshells because I might have another outburst of crazy. I too feel like everything is a competition with my sister - a fact made worse by the fact that she doesn't even live here !

Also, I agree that it is scary to think about depressing as incurable. I guess the best we can do is to treat it, keep it under control, etc. Blah. Even that sounds too optimistic.

On another note - ya'al haven't had any experience with Pristique, have you (anyone who's reading this) ? Just curious. I'm also ADHD in case you couldn't tell... tongue

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/2/2009 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   

I'm so sorry things didn't work out for you and your sister. It's clear you've been holding out hope that they would for a long time. But now you have the proof and you really have to admit to yourself that she's not someone you're even capable of liking, let alone having a relationship with. That's tough stuff, stuff you talk about with your therapist with, and it's really disappointing. So don't beat yourself up if it takes more than a day or two to feel better.

What you do need to do is replace her with people who are compassionate and caring and are far less self absorbed. Do you already have those types of people in your life or do you need to encourage those relationships?

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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