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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/6/2009 2:12 PM (GMT -7)   
My wife and i have been together for 10 years and married for 6. We have four beautiful children under the age of five.
here is where it gets fun.  about every two years she goes through her cycle. I have just, on this last cycle finally acknowledged the bipolar possibilities. The first time she just got bored and up and left while i was asleep. she had affairs and then a few months later came back and wanted to work everything out.  The next time this happened, i had joined the military, we were two kids deep, and we were stationed in japan. She, out of the blew started partyin all the time and sleeping around (didnt have proof until she admitted it just recently) The final time, which is as of the last three weeks. She left for a weekend to visit friends and in those two days had another affair, came back, in a different state of mind, and continued the affair over the phone and through txts and pictures. I finally told her if she wanted to leave then leave. So, she left me and our four kids to go four states over to live at her "unconfirmed" boyfriends house.
well while this was transpiring i removed her from all cc and bank accounts, vehicles and insurance, incl. cell phone. She was not to happy about any of it to say the least (also didnt tell her i was doing it though, but i had hardcore proof of the infedelity). I have also filed for divorce and custody of kids.  Two weeks into her cycle, about 3 days ago, she called me and wanted to "talk", so far she has shown no remorse and no mention really of any feelings towards me, just that she misses the kids and she wants to come back, even it its on the couch.
I am fighting feelings of affection and guilt, but also know i need to protect my kids. She will not admit to her cycle or possibility of BP or going to see a psychiatrist. I have been told to stand strong on the divorce ppw and it may make her face her disease (she hasnt hit rock bottom yet)
my question is when is to much TOO much. I am honestly just now persuing the disease and its traits, but i have been cheated on many many times.....forgiveness doesnt run out but dealing with the mood swings and adultery does.
i ended the last conversation we had (the 2nd phone call) with she needs to seek help, i started with some of my family members that understand the disease, or the pastor from the church we attended when we lived there.  Am i doing the rigth thing....i am fighting so many emotions i dont know which direction is up......

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 8/6/2009 4:15 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello BPcrisis,

Welcome aboard to Healingwell.  I hope we can offer some support for you.

I'm sorry to hear about what you and your children are going through.  The only thing that I can say...and this is only my opinion, is that without a psychiatrist's analysis of her behavior you really won't know if she is bipolar or not.  Without her going to the doctor is a lose/lose situation.  She has to want the help or unfortunately, hit rock bottom.  It's up to you whether you are going to wait around for her to realize that.

Does anyone else in her family have bipolar that would make you lean toward that diagnosis?  IMO you need to do what is best for you and your children and you seem to have been put through enough mentioned Years!

My opinion is to go on with your life and start the divorce proceedings.  If she doesn't understand the depths of this issue with that hitting her, you should know that you are doing the right thing for yourself and children.

Best of Luck.  Keep us posted.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/7/2009 8:50 PM (GMT -7)   

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board.

You don't know it's bipolar and unless she went to a psychiatrist, you wouldn't. The question is, would it make a difference to you. Because I have to be honest with you, the behavior wouldn't stop.

The behaviors you describe do happen in extreme cases of bipolar -- certainly not in every case (I for one don't act that way) -- and you have to remember you can't cure bipolar. Medicine makes it better for a time, but there is no cure.

I think you can go forward with a divorce with a clean conscience. Set out your recommendations, and please oh please take good care of those kids.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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