Feeling low today

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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 8/22/2009 4:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Feeling yucky today. Can tell I am in a low mood. I don't know how many of you BP sufferers go through this but....I am so tired of my husband bringing up past bad deeds of mine.

He told me his "timeline" that by the end of this year I need to be done paying back my grandmother. (she came to our rescue and let us borrow money to pay back credit card debt I accrued.) I owe her around $4000 more dollars and she basically deducts from that $10 an hour for stuff I do for her. Just basically anything she needs help with, stuff around the house, taking her to appoints. His comment was that I should pay this off even if it means I have to work for her on the weekends. His goal is that by next year I can actually be earning money to help cover my schooling costs.

Well for one, I can not just sit at her house and get paid...there has to be stuff to do. And secondly...I take college courses, which I try to get an A or B in (and I do) because I am trying to raise my overall GPA from years of F's and withdrawals. I am also running a household, have 3 daughters...etc...all that mommy/housewife stuff. I guess sometimes I just get the feeling that above all else my husband wants things back to normal...not for me to stay healthy mentally. Like I should be putting myself at risk of a relapse into mania/depression...in order to make up for all I did (especially manic spending.)

Guess I am babbling...I just wish there was a way to block out his frustrations and taking them out on me, because I feel I am doing all I can without getting myself unhealthy again. It gets kind of old when from my husband I rarely hear praise for all I do, but hear plenty of what I could do better.

Thanks for letting me vent..time to go get ready for family coming over for a BBQ. One thing I can say is that is it so much better to be depressed about "something", than to just be depressed becuase of my body chemistry. So much easier to deal with something tangible.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

red lightening
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 8/23/2009 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Sometimes the hardest but most effective thing to do with loved ones is
to detach with love and keep the focus on you and your getting/staying well.
His frustrations don't have to become yours. It's hard to do but well worth the
effort. Hope things get better soon.

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 8/23/2009 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   
You should talk to your husband about his support. It will be really hard to get well with his constant reminders about your "failures". As for feeling bad, even when on the right medication, sometimes you have up days, sometimes you have down... we are human and not devoid of emotion. I hope your husband hears you about his support and changes his tune.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 8/25/2009 4:57 PM (GMT -7)   
does your husband realize that the more pressure he puts on you the more likely you are to have another manic episode. ie.more spending? thats what i think i would try to get him to understand. ive done my share of over-spending. fortunately my husband is pretty understanding and supportive, but i know my spending has put alot of pressure on him. i cant work so he is the only breadwinner. i wish for you alot more up days than down and for you to forgive yourself and just do the best you can to pay back your debt. it sounds like you have alot going on. be proud of yourself!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 8/25/2009 11:36 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi mommymichele,

Yeah, it gets old and very frustrating!  I think your hubby is just frustrated probably about other things and he is just lashing out on you.

It may help if you talk to your grandmother and let her know what is going on between your husband and you.  She may have different expectations on when her deadline is for the money she lent to you to be paid back by? 

You can then talk with your husband and let him know how much you are really trying to get things back in order and that you had a conversation with grandma and how hard you are working at school and with the kids and that you don't know what more you can do and how it really hurts you that he doesn't see all your effort.

Sympathize with him and let him know that you understand it must be very frustrating for him but that you really wish things were different but that your doing the best you can and that he is making you feel awlful by constantly bring up the past.  You wish you could do more but honestly...how much  more can you do? 

You are being very proactive in your wellness plan, being a good mom, working very hard at school!  Let him know that he is only adding to your depression and that you don't want to end up back there.

I hope for understanding from your husband. sad

 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
Leo Buscaglia

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 8/27/2009 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   


what everyone is saying is such good advice.  I am not a mommy. but I always wanted to be one but life did not happen that way and now I see I would not have been able to cope.  Being a mom is the most important job!  My husband has a difficult time dealing with all of my illnesses. I think he has so many stressors and has issues he does not want to look at he has a hard time when I get sick.  Sometimes he yells.  He is a former marine and things you just have to be tough. Sukay is so right by saying "Let him know that he is only adding to your depression and that you don't want to end up back there." but it does not work with my husband because he rufuses to go to counseling.  So I just take care of myself.  Other than that is he such a good person and very loyal.  And cbear, you are so lucky you do not have to work.  I tell my husband I am so tired I can't'do it anymore but he says no we need the money.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 9/1/2009 11:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone...I seem to be pulling out of my funk. We are busy with back to school stuff, and my own classes have started so I am busy too. I liked the idea of setting up my own system of self praise. Like leaving little notes around to remind me that I am worth all the hard work to feel better :)
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/1/2009 6:15 PM (GMT -7)   

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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