In April, I got my feelings badly hurt at the doctors office. (I was told in front of those waiting that I had overdue bills and would need to pay up front for future visits. After talking to the office manager the next day she confirmed that I was still in insurance pay, and had not been sent a bill. I kept thinking "and ya'll treat me for depression!")
Anyway... I slowly tapered off of my medications and haven't been back to any doctors for anything. I know that's childish, I just cant find the courage to face another doctor. (Hello, my name is ___ and I think I'm crazy.) I'm also dealing with all of the medical bills etc.
The truth is, I felt fine, actually better for a few months - once I got over the withdrawal headaches and such. I thought, "Cool, I'm well." I know that is stupid, but I really wanted to believe it.
But last week it is like my illness just walked up and slapped me. I cannot seem to put myself together. I have never had such a sudden onset of depression in my life.
I've tried to explain to my family and husband that I really need some help getting back to treatment.
They just don't seem to understand... probably because everything is always so dramatic with me. Everyone says, "I think you need to see a doctor and get a little help."
I think - "a little help? really?"
I just cannot seem to face the search for a new doctor, pre-certification with insurance, asking for time off, on and on and on and on and on... Every time I try to figure it all out I end up in a flippin' weeping mess, with someone asking "what's wrong, sugar?"
I can't figure out how to tell them that I want to give up completely, without totally freaking them out.
I feel like I am at wit's end without the will to try and figure it out. I just want to go to sleep for a few months...
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you get back rolling?