How to move forward?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 9/15/2009 12:23 PM (GMT -7)   
In April, I got my feelings badly hurt at the doctors office. (I was told in front of those waiting that I had overdue bills and would need to pay up front for future visits. After talking to the office manager the next day she confirmed that I was still in insurance pay, and had not been sent a bill. I kept thinking "and ya'll treat me for depression!")
Anyway... I slowly tapered off of my medications and haven't been back to any doctors for anything. I know that's childish, I just cant find the courage to face another doctor. (Hello, my name is ___ and I think I'm crazy.) I'm also dealing with all of the medical bills etc.
The truth is, I felt fine, actually better for a few months - once I got over the withdrawal headaches and such. I thought, "Cool, I'm well." I know that is stupid, but I really wanted to believe it.
But last week it is like my illness just walked up and slapped me. I cannot seem to put myself together. I have never had such a sudden onset of depression in my life.
I've tried to explain to my family and husband that I really need some help getting back to treatment.
They just don't seem to understand... probably because everything is always so dramatic with me. Everyone says, "I think you need to see a doctor and get a little help."
I think - "a little help? really?"
I just cannot seem to face the search for a new doctor, pre-certification with insurance, asking for time off, on and on and on and on and on... Every time I try to figure it all out I end up in a flippin' weeping mess, with someone asking "what's wrong, sugar?"
I can't figure out how to tell them that I want to give up completely, without totally freaking them out.
I feel like I am at wit's end without the will to try and figure it out. I just want to go to sleep for a few months...
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you get back rolling?

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 9/15/2009 12:47 PM (GMT -7) have been at this place of darkness and depression before. You also know from experience, that maybe being on the meds was the best thing. I am sure the hurt feelings at the dr. stung a bit, but your overall health is much more important.

As soon as you can, you need to call your insurance and have them referral a doctor. You know that it may be weeks before you may be seen, so the sooner you set this in motion, the better. Remember that there IS a light at the end of this just have to jump through a few hoops to get there.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/15/2009 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. It's good to have you.

I agree 100% with mommy.michele. The sooner you take the first step towards healing the better you will feel. It is entirely the depression making you feel too overwhelmed to face another doc, but you can do it. It's what you have to do to get out of this depression. So take it slow -- one step at a time. Tomorrow get out your insurance card. The day after call the number and get a referral. (Or, check out the website. Most ins. co.'s put their provider lists online now.) Look into therapy too, if you can stomach it. Talk therapy is really helpful against depression.

You will get there -- you can do it. You have to.

Best of luck,
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 9/15/2009 2:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for the encouragement. :-)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 9/18/2009 3:39 AM (GMT -7)   


How ya doin?  Have you called your insurance co?

Worried about you.  I've been there. 

We are here for you and really want to get you through this.

What's going on?  sad

 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
Leo Buscaglia

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 9/18/2009 8:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Well... basically the only effort I have made is to find a mental health center near my hometown. (Well, it's about an hour a way, which is close in my area.) Haven't called them yet. Haven't called my insurance yet. umm.... but I have been able to try and focus myself into a quiet place, kinda. At least to the point where people aren't seeing me cry so much. ummm.... yeah. That's little, but it's a lot too for me at the moment.
Today, at lunch break, I think I'll call the place and ask about prices, etc.
Monday I'll try the insurance administrator.
I'm hanging in there - don't mean to worry you guys, just having a hard time at the moment.
Thanks for all of the encouragement!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 9/18/2009 8:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Find a MHMR you pay with on a sliding scale of sorts......

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