How do I deal?

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 9/20/2009 1:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I was recently diagnosed with BP II and am now on Depakote ER.  I've been on it since the first part of August.  I have seen a change for the better, but for the past week (and it is my time of the month) I haven't wanted to work, don't want to get dressed, don't want to be seen in public, cried myself to sleep last night when I finally fell asleep at 4 a.m., feel like a failure, and ruin all my relationships.  I find something to yell at my current boyfriend at and then I find a reason not to be upset with him anymore in  my head and make excuses as to why it really isn't his fault and then I'll totally change my attitude and say "hey wanna grab a bite to eat?" like nothing happend.  I don't get it and neither does he.  I've never had anything healthy because I act very normal in the beginning (if I find someone I'm interested in, normally I find a reason to run-even the wrong shoes will turn me off) and then once I fall for someone and open up, I start acting funny and over analyzing and expecting way too much.  Then, the guy tells me I'm crazy and not right in the head and they leave.  The truth of it is, I'm not.  I feel alone and afraid because I feel I have noone.  I have a very strong family that supports me, but I'm so dying to be happy, feel normal and be in a loving and committed relationship.  How do I deal?

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/20/2009 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lildaisy,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. I think many of us can relate to what you're going through. The meds are probably doing okay for your mood-swings, but not helping you with depression. Lots of us are on a couple of things. You might need something for depression. But you wanna be careful that you don't get tipped into mania. So I'd let your doc know what's going on, and see what they say. You deserve to feel better.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 9/20/2009 6:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I am on Lexapro for depression too. I'm learning that this disease is "a learning in process". You have to go through a trial and error period and find the right "mix" of meds. I just cried so much today and felt so guilty over stuff in my past that I eventually had a panic attack. Luckily, I have a very supportive family and I went over to my parents house (yes, even at 30 I still need my mom :) and talked it out. The last thing I need is to be alone because all I do is blame myself and "think". I think I need to either increase my dosage or switch my meds. I have a follow up appointment with my doc, so we'll see. It's just so very very frustrating because it affects everything in my life. EVERYTHING. I just want to feel normal and happy and be social like everyone else. I think I'm on my way to it, but it just can't happen soon enough. It's hard to feel normal during down times. Thanks again!
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