Posted 9/20/2009 2:12 PM (GMT -6)
I was recently diagnosed with BP II and am now on Depakote ER. I've been on it since the first part of August. I have seen a change for the better, but for the past week (and it is my time of the month) I haven't wanted to work, don't want to get dressed, don't want to be seen in public, cried myself to sleep last night when I finally fell asleep at 4 a.m., feel like a failure, and ruin all my relationships. I find something to yell at my current boyfriend at and then I find a reason not to be upset with him anymore in my head and make excuses as to why it really isn't his fault and then I'll totally change my attitude and say "hey wanna grab a bite to eat?" like nothing happend. I don't get it and neither does he. I've never had anything healthy because I act very normal in the beginning (if I find someone I'm interested in, normally I find a reason to run-even the wrong shoes will turn me off) and then once I fall for someone and open up, I start acting funny and over analyzing and expecting way too much. Then, the guy tells me I'm crazy and not right in the head and they leave. The truth of it is, I'm not. I feel alone and afraid because I feel I have noone. I have a very strong family that supports me, but I'm so dying to be happy, feel normal and be in a loving and committed relationship. How do I deal?