Well havta_b, it's a big leap from "we're all grown ups here" to "Sometimes our behaviour is outside our control and we need help", and a lot of folk just never manage to make the jump.
You generally find that the more people know about the science of how the different bits of the brain work, the more easily they can relate to it going wrong. But very often it will only sink home when it comes from an "authority", a newspaper or some other source they think of as trustworthy. Ironically enough, the people (patients) dealing with the problem often aren't trusted, even though they know more.
In some ways it's a lot easier to blame everything that happens to an individual on that person's choices, because that way you don't have to admit the world is a big scary place full of "random" illnesses that we personally have no control over. For many people if their prayers do not work and they know their motives in prayer were pure in heart, then that leads to the conclusion that the sufferer is somehow bad, for why would God do harm to a good person ?
To me, that's like asking, why did God break my leg, or give me a skin rash ? Most of men's ills are men's doing. If I fall down a hill while out walking, I can blame God for breaking my leg, or I can think "It's up to me to learn and grow from this" and review my risk assessment procedures. If I see someone else didn't bother to fix a problem, or knowingly did harm, I'll point a finger, but otherwise, I usually try to remember, everyone in the world is on a learning curve.
If I eat the wrong additives, go to the wrong places, do the wrong things, if my mother was exposed to certain chemicals while I was in the womb, even if I was born at the wrong time of year in certain latitudes...I may fall ill with different things. And we all of us are exposed to these risks, everyday, and usually don't even know it. Which is why I'm inclined to think, hazards are God's way of telling us to look after one another; and the more people fail to, the louder He speaks.
Gee whiz, sorry for that rant !
Land, I've got to say, I think your wife's a very lucky lady. I think you've come a very long way in a very short time, to understand things so well. The problem you face now is going to be, now that you know what problem you're facing, how do you cope ? How does it change things between you ? That'll be the burning question for both of you. You may have to be her protection, when she is defenceless.
And meantime, there will be times when you will grieve for the way things were, as if the past were a dead person, and you will feel anger and frustration; but that's all part of the process of adapting, and moving on. That is why we need moods; they are like a chemical gear box for the brain, that helps us look at things in a different way.
But it seems to me that if you are so motivated by love, and if your wife knows this, then this could even be something that draws you closer together. It's a nice thought, isn't it...
Best of luck to you both !