Tonight at thansgiving dinner, my grandmother informed me that my Nana (grandma on my mother's side) was desperately trying to reach me.
I tried to contact her over the last few years, but my mother, the only person I had contact with who knew where she was, seems to have consistently refused to pass along messages.
I thought my Nana hated me for running away from the family, and my son. Her son is severely bipolar, and I know how she views the illness, at least, I think I do. He ruined his life, and eventually became cut off from the family.
I'm scared to think what she must think of me, and suddenly I;m faced with having to confront my fears over this. She's always been my favorite, and I don't want to break her heart further, if she thinks I'm a screwup. It's been 5 years since we talked last, but I just sent her a letter tonight.
I guess I just need someone to tell me it will be allright, because I'm expecting the worst.