Hi Everyone. My name is GmTeegs. I'm new.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar I four years ago, 6 years after being diagnosed with Bipolar II. Indeed, when early (Bipolar II) symptoms came on when I was 19 or 20, they were much more manageable. I had a lot of crying outbursts, bad sleep, coupled with those explosions of euphoria, and daily revelations. They were, however, grounded in earthly matters.
My diagnosis switched up when the rushes became so blinding that I began to think I was a vessel for God, and that I was a player in a worldwide religious syndicate of sorts. The aftermath of my first real mania left me crippled for 6 months, until I could slowly resume work as a janitor. I enrolled in a masters program and cut down on the massive Seroquel and Xanax doses, but returned to the comfort of heavy drug use and OD'd on morphine that fall. I straightened out on a fantastic combo of lamictal (500mg) and lexapro (30mg).
But you know how the story goes. I went off my meds in the spring and wound up getting expelled from school for explosive behavior, and hard work daily on a farm somehow helped me regain my sanity, and I met the woman who is now my wife. We bought a house this past spring, and were married in the summer. I love her very much.
Even on medication now, I'm coming out of a mild mixed episode. I had some aggressive anger during family thanksgiving, saw that terrified look in people's eyes (ever had people look at you like that when you're manic?), and now have my wife worried about my "death talk." It's disconcerting, and she's worn thin.
I'm new here, but I assume a lot of you have dealt with this and have wisdom beyond what I can think of. Thanks for listening.