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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 12/23/2009 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning.
You would think I could stay in a "happy" mood, after all, hubby and I went shopping yesterday (shopping is my favorite past time). Yeah I felt great until it was bedtime. For some odd reason I had a crying episode and couldn't get it to stop. I can't even remember what sparked me to just start balling, but it lasted a long time.
Then this morning when I got up my face was so swollen you would have thought I was beaten. I just starred at myself in the mirror, and got emotional, as I was talking to myself in the mirror. I asked myself why do you have to be bipolar, why me, why why why? Angela you have so much going for you, why are you having these "lows" so often? Why aren't you happy? So on and so on......
So now I am in this I want to stay in bed all day mode. I don't want to do anything. I have no life in me today, and it's this stupid disease that is doing this to me, I hate it!
I am reaching out for some sort of support to help me change my mood.
Come see my YouTube Channel on my struggles with Bipolar:
Read my Personal Diary on Bipolar:

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/23/2009 10:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Angela,

I'm so sorry I haven't been on all day, so I couldn't reply. I hope your day went better. I know exactly how awful those crying jags are. Try not to beat yourself up. You have an illness --- if you broke your arm you wouldn't be looking in the mirror saying "Why did you break your arm? Why why why?" Give your poor self a break! You are doing the best you can, and sometimes your emotions are going to get the best of you. It's okay. Just hang on for the ride and remember it's alright.

Let us know how you're doing!
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 12/27/2009 11:34 PM (GMT -7)   

I understand exactly what you mean. The very same thing happens to me. As a matter of fact, Im going through it right now. The past week has been a "high" for me and all of a sudden today I went "low" and at night I just burst into tears and Im not sure why. I keep asking myself why I have to deal with this. I havent been officially dx'ed with BP but my pdoc believes I have it..(based on notes from my therapist and his nurse).. I wont know for sure until I see the pdoc in January. But, Im sure I do. And I understand just how you feel. All day I have been locked in my room. I just want to sleep and stay in bed. I dont want to be bothered.

Its difficult. All of this crying when I wake up tomorrow my face will be very swollen. I know how that is. And its hard to have relationships at the same time. When Im supposed to spend time with my special someone and then all of a sudden I have a mood change... Im sure its more than difficult for her to deal with as well, which only makes me feel worse.

We can ask ourselves why we have this illness..why anyone has any illness... but it doesnt matter. We can ask over and over again, but in the end we still have an illness. Its hard to question it and hate it.... it makes life worse. We just have to learn to cope and deal with it the best that we can to make life suitable. Its not easy at all.... but we have our ups and downs.... You and I are both going through a down, and Im sure others are also, but things will be okay.

Just hang in there and do your best to deal with things and they will get better. Take care

Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Cymbalta 6-6-09(horrible effects), Rozerem, Melatonin, Currently taking: Prozac 40mg (July 09), Trazadone 100mg (Sept 09), Focalin XR 5mg, Clonazepam 1mg, Wellburtin XL 150mg-Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Eating Disorder, ADHD, Dysthymic Disorder, OCD
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/29/2009 4:34 PM (GMT -7)   

Take care, both of you.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 12/30/2009 1:49 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Guys,

With trial & error and finding the proper medication, things will get better.  It's frustrating...I know, but things will start to level off.  Keep the faith and Hang tough!  You have to fight and be proactive as anyone else should be when fighting for their health issue whatever it is.

My mom always use to tell me..."crying isn't going to settle anything."  I know it's different when we are battleing depression and moodswings, but we have to push ourselves to get out of that and do something else.  We have to be proactive.

Oh...I don't know who wrote this, but maybe it might help?...

"No matter how seemingly pointless the present moment may be, it's the only space in which we actually live. If we let it go by without participating in it, we don't live at all."

Wishing you wellness! blush

Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
Leo Buscaglia

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