This is my first time on Healing Well so I hope you will be gentle :)
My BF has been diagnosed with BP, ever since a few months after I met him. He has been depressed more than I've ever seen anyone, but I never see the "manic" stages - he seems to be in good spirits, but that's about it. I have stuck my his side to his surprise, and I told him that whie I understand depression, I am not going to abandon him because he has a disease that he can't control.
He also claims he's got a problem with anger. His mom and I have suggested anger management courses - I mean it defintely won't do any harm, right? However, the psychiatrist that was treating him was a compleat doof, and I made an appointment for him with my psychistrist. This guy is great, very caring, will talk to you well after he's supposed to, and he's a talk therapist to boot. So, every so often he goes in for a full session to talk. Otherwise it's 15 - 20 minutes just to check up and see whether his meds need to be adjusted.
He clims the doctor says he doesn't need anger management, he just need to get his mood swings under control (in my mind, the combination possibilities beteen 2, maybe 3 drugs are astronomical). But he get SO mad lately, he says therrible thigs to me me and then says he doesn't remember, and occasinally (more often than not) he'll come home with flowers or a card, becase he knows I"m upset.
Recently he started a huge fight with me, I was with his mom so it was a little hard to talk, so he sent me a bunch of texts to thank me for ruining his day! Not only have I tried to get through to him by telling him that only he can make his day bad, but the things he says lately I would qualify as verbal abuse. He says tat I just don't understand his bipolar. I do understand it, but that doesn't make his words hurt any less. I've told him that instead of apologizing, just don't do it again. Tha never seems to work since he flies off the handle so quickly.
One good thing about us is that, even if we are in a major argument, if I see him hurting I drop everything that I'm amgry at because I don't want him to be in pain (he also suffers from panic disorder).
He is rude to his mother and sister, and 5 minutes later they're all fine - it's either them letting walk all over them because they know he has bipolar and they ignore the hurtful thins he says, or it could just be that they're family and that's how families work (I've seen lots of families do this). I'm an only child - I try to tell him that I'm not his mom or his siter, our relationship has a different dynamic and he can't be talking to me like that. He usually winds up comingto me begging for forgiveness because he knows he hurt me, and that' s the end of that argument. Sometimes though arguments have long-term effects on me, and by the things he threatens to take away, I feel like I have no authority, and one way to a succesful relationship requires feeling stanle.
However I do not want to be treated like this for the rest of our lives. Rhw thought would never go through his mind, no matter how angry is, but I always ask why he can't just lump verbal abuse in there too? If anything goes wrong he manages to blame it on me, he says I should just ignore what he says, understand that it's not really "him" talking, and if I bring it up I'm starting a fight, which is not my intention.
The psychiatrist doesn't think he has anger contol issues - is this true? My BF seems to thing that it comes with the territory of having BP. What do I do?