I am wondering if anyone else has been through this:
having never seen a therapist, knowing that something is wrong, depression landing on you all of a sudden with no identifiable cause, then getting better and thinking "I am OK, I don't need a therapist, I just need to hang in there..." Wired or tired..., anxiety can be intense, can wake right out of bed ticked off and wore out...and so on. The darkness is so addicting and yet so evil!! I find myself loving it and wallowing in it and hating it all at the same time...at these times I listen to melancholy music and I love it, but then shouldn't listen to it because it feeds the hunger for the darkness...it is a vicious cycle...there is a defining shift between my moods or mental seasons...I work night shift and this really does not do anything good for my moodiness or whatever is going on. AM I bi-polar? I really do not know. My kids say so as I can go from loving to flippin irritated instantly. Just 2 days ago at work I remember vividly how all of a sudden I was depressed with no identifiable cause. Just BAMM!!! right out of nowhere...what is going on. I have started wiriting my thoughts down along with peotry of how I am doing or how I feel...it ain't pretty. I am wondering however I if I may be writing some of the stuff just to amuse myself...I just don't know...Any of this sound like bi-polar? (sigh)...dB
Diagnosed with UC in Dec of 1999
Some left sided scarring from previous disease process
3 Asacol twice daily
Mild flares a couple times a year
45 yrs old
I HATE UC!