bipolar girlfriend, 3 yrs. venting/advice needed

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lucifer sam
New Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/3/2010 3:55 AM (GMT -7)   
ok here it goes (bear with me), ive had a bi polar girl friend for 3 years now, i found out she was bi polar reeeaal quick... i have no idea on her thought process ill say that right now. weve both told each other we want to get married someday after college (were 20 now and 150 miles away from each other.). Now ive come to realize, when shes down, more often than not she'll threaten to break up with me just because we have a small fight. But in the morning she usually forgets/looks past what was said the night before, no matter how serious or minor the fight is. i can promise the world to her and geniunely mean it and its still never enough when she has doubts about us as a couple. She has struggled with ... and lied about it for long periods of time to me, she claims she is clean now, but i really dont think she should be doing this because she has ALOT to lose, she is getting a bachelors in nursing at an expensive university and she could lose this if she ever got caught, her parents wouldnt pay for it! Now i know i have a hobby, its my ford lightning, when i get bored, when im mad/sad, ocd; whatever i go and work on my truck or clean it. I have never really known my girlfriend to have a hobby, if i had to pick, it would be her school work when im not there. she gets straight As she is in the top of most if not all of her classes, (when im there its a different story hahaha if you catch my drift). she doesnt really have much that takes her mind off everything else. What this all boils down to is im at wits end! i dont know what to do anymore. Now i realize that guys "dont have feelings" and such but she makes her situation more serious sometimes and makes my feelings or problems less serious. After many "dealing with a bipolar spouse" the 2 points that stick out in my mind are: "get away and run you will be better off" or "smother her love, be understanding and be a good listener". obviously i would of left long ago if i was going to cut and run, but the i just feel like i can be doing more to help her than listening, especially because she sometimes wont share her feelings, or will take long amounts of time before sharing deep misc. feelings.
Im sorry, im venting but i just need some advice

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 3/3/2010 11:24:10 AM (GMT-7)

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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 3/3/2010 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Is she getting professional help?  I think you need to talk with her.  If you are going to have a healthy reationship, she can't allow the disease to control her.  She needs to take responsibiity for herself.  Unfortunately, you can't do that for her.  If she doesn't, cut and run.  (fast)
If she is working on it, love her just as she is.  Don't dwell in the past.  See if it works for you.
I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man.  We work well together because I'm ultra-rapid cycling to utraradian cycling, so a mood doesn't last long.  He can deal with that.  I usually don't get into trouble because I cycle so quickly.  I am really careful about keeping up with my treatment, but I do need help remembering to take medications, and he helps me with that.
He does the "shower with love" thing too.  For instance, I'm having insomnia as a side effect of a new medication.  Yesterday morning, after a particulary bad night, he got up early with me, packed a lunch for me and started my car.  I can't tell you how much I appreciated that.
It CAN work, but it will completely depend on if she stays in treatment and keeps control on her disorder.

lucifer sam
New Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/3/2010 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
She has things in control when it comes to everything else, but me. if that makes any sense. I know she used to go see a shrink and used to take meds, but i think the doctors weened her off it, and shes not seeing any type of thearpist anymore, which im trying to get her to start doing again, i even offered to go with when i can.

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 3/3/2010 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
I can tell you from a bipolar woman's perspective. We have major mood swings whether we are on medicine or not. When I was in my 20's I didn't really know how to control myself and not take things out on other people. We often take things out on the one's we love. Just loving her for who she is is a step in the right direction. Don't ever doubt her when she say's she's having a hard time. She needs your support. Don't ever call her crazy or tell her negative things regarding her being bipolar. Hopefully she will grow up and mature some and learn not to take things out on you. It's just hard for us because for the most part we feel insecure.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/3/2010 11:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi lucifer sam,

Welcome to healingwell. I had to edit out the drug reference in your post. Please see forum rules.

While I totally understand where you're coming from, I think you may find more helpful feedback at a board for spouses/significant others. This board is for people who have the disorder. Here's a link: to the Resources page, which lists links and books for people who are living with someone with bipolar.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

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