You all know me, i've been very upfront about what i have done and how i have handled it. One of the things i have noticed here is that there seems to be a huge amount of shame over this subject.
This is one of the times i am going to lecture and perhaps give you all who are still ashamed a slight scolding.
IT WASNT YOUR FAULT.
You were sick the same as me, and you made a series of mistakes that led to you being naked with a (Fill in the blank, Man, Woman, Not exactly sure, or farm animal) But you are alive and well and need to get some closure on these things.
For what ever reason i completely opened up to my therpast, i gave it to her both barrells and made her blink and blush a few times. LOL I think she had to look up a few of the things i did on the internet to figure out what they were. . That said i aired my dirty laundry for her and the world. I got it off my chest and it really did free me to make some real progress in my illness. I won't bore you all with the details, but i covered three of the four mentioned above, (You can guess which three) LOL LOL
I keep telling people it wasnt your fault, because before we knew what was wrong we were just as much a victiam as those we hurt. So i give myself a pass on these things because to hold on to them and still suffer for them helps no one, not my wife, not my son, not me, no one. Now that i know what the issue is, i hold myself responsible for my problem.
I tell my wife now it is my responsibility to now monitor my own sexual level, if i get out of control i take extra respridone and even some celexa (acts as an anti depressent and kills some of my sexual energy) to help keep me in control. I know when i start thinking about hitting the internet to find a hookup i am in the danger zone. That if i start looking at ads i am in real trouble, and if i start answering ads (DANGER WILL ROBINSON< DANGER DANGER) Pills go in, i calm down, i am a good husband another day. YAY
Yes i laugh a lot at myself for my mistakes, what i dont laugh at is the look in my wifes face, (the same face i married and consider the most beautiful face in the world), when she found out what i had been doing. That i dont let go of because when i think of straying i try to recal that image and it really does help keep me centered another day.
For those of you who are still ashamed please get someone you can talk to and get this out of your system. It wasnt your fault and carrying that guilt day in and day out is only hurting your progress in fighting this desease. You may not be able to ever laugh at it like i do but hopefully you will be able to look back on it and not feel pain and shame. You wernt in your right mind when you did what you did, but whatever you did you can take it from me that you should give yourself a pass. This is a do over in life, a muligan in golf terms, a freebie.
I read your posts and can feel a lot of your pain and shame. Please listen to me when i say this again. It wasnt your fault. If you need happiness and joy drop me a post here. I will do my best to make you feel better and hopefully make you laugh. We are all in this desease together.