He cateyes, i havnt answered this for a while so i could mull it over. I am a step parent whose step sons natural father was the original "disney land dad". Never ever had money for cloths, food, or housing but always had money for gifts and trips together. So i know what it feels like to allways be the provider, and the "bad" dad who had to say no beacuse of money.
I honestly don't know how to look at your situation. It would first take you, your husband, and the ex wife getting on the same page and from what you said before that is unlikely. If that cant happen than you and your husband HAVE to get on the same page and start workign together and not working against each other. You have to ask each other about every single dime you spend, and there will be times that one child gets more than the other, that cant be helped. You will just have to figure out a way to make sure your child also gets things also, and not just your husbands own child getting it all.
And if you cant get together than it has to be a deal breaker. Because he is only using you to take care of his child and not taking care of yours also. You have to look out for you and your child first. Is going to concouling an thing he would do, or will he claim this is nonsense and blow you off?
SOrry life is so tough, at least you have us, the booby prize. LOL LOL LOL