"I'm still single as I can't get around the whole dating and then having to tell them about BPD"
I guess I got out of it easily. I was diagnosed after getting involved with my SO. I had already been told I had a "bipolar-like" mood disorder and had been referred to a pdoc years before, so I wasn't surprised. But we did find out at the same time.
I guess you have to say before you're in a relationship so far that you would be hurt if the other walked away. If it's someone who freaks out with hearing about BPD, it certainly isn't someone you would want to spend your life with.
Think of it as a great way to weed out all the "bad" ones. It makes finding a good one a little faster and easier.