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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/24/2010 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
my wife and i have been married for a little over 2 years and have been together for a little over 3. when we first met she was the most amazing women to ever step foot in my life. but after the birth of our son, she began to lie about everything, manipulate everyone and has had quite a few affiars in two short years. about 3 weeks ago she left me for another man. well about a week ago she called and asked me to come and get her because this guy had physically abused her. the very next day after i went and picked her up she started cutting herself and saying she didnt deserve to be a with me, be a mother, or be alive. after calling the police to have her evaluated by a phych doctor, she was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety, and manic depression. i want to try and put everything behind us because she is getting and wanting the help she needs and i love her with every ounce of me. but on the other hand i am not sure what to expect or if she will relapse or what. i have been reading up on bipolar depression and find that alot of women tend to turn to hyper-sexual behavior with this condition and that most decide to stop taking their meds. i am worried that while everything is good now, what i am to expect later on in the relationship? i am not sure how much more i can take. i have been through hell and back again these past two years. i love her dearly but if she decides to stop taking her meds and starts to have affiars again im not sure that i can stick it out. please help me to understand or help me to know what to expect.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41819
   Posted 4/24/2010 7:07 PM (GMT -7)   
It is impossible to know what to expect. I would say to have faith in her and to take this one day at a time. Cherrish each and every day and live it to the fullest. You can't spend your life worrying about the future. If it happens again, you deal with it then.

There is a part in bipolar resources on how to live with a bipolar spouse. I would suggest you check out the resources and see if it helps you. This would be at the top of the page.

I hope that you can learn to relax in your relationship. I know that it is hard after what you have been through. But don't go by statistics. Let your wife get better and hope that she takes her medications.

Best wishes.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 4/24/2010 10:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey there!  I've had bipolar episodes since I was a kid, but the year after my son was born was TERRIBLE.  I started rapid-cycling and no meds could stabilize me!
Regarding "relapse" -- bipolar is a life-long condition.  Remission is a possibility.  Never finding a treatment is a possibility.
Regarding not wanting to take meds -- many people have bad reactions to meds.  Finding the right meds can take YEARS.  Before I was on a medication that worked, I was miserable.  Not only were the meds NOT improving my BP symptoms, I had side effects like strong anxiety, akathesia, insomnia, migraines, stomach pain, sedation.  It took 8 years to find the right meds for me.
You've already read the horror stories of relationships with a bipolar person.  There is a flip side.  Let me first say that I lived through one of the horror stories - a marriage between 2 bipolar people turned abusive.  It took 5 years for me to get out.
Now, I'm in remission.  I'm on one medication that has completely removed my bipolar symptoms WITHOUT any side effects.  (I am very fortunate!)  I'm in remission with a wonderful man!
We met while I was in a long hypomanic/manic episode, before I was diagnosed with bipolar.  Eventually I moved in with him.  about 2 months later I started having a lot of problems - rapid mood swings with sever depressions.  These continued, even on medications.  I struggled with side effects.  It was a very dark time that eventually ended up with me in the hospital.  They changed my medication - found the right thing and I've been stable in remission since.
I am a fairly inhibited person and my rapid-cycling buffers the effect of hypomanias.  I withdraw when depressed, agitated, explosive.  When I'm struggling, I focus on reducing the effect on people around me.  It motivates me to control myself.
My SO is very supportive.  I know I've scared him and I always feel guilty for that.  I respond dangerously to caffiene.  When he found out, he took all his (favorite!) caffienated sodas out of the house.  If we're out at a party and I really want a soda, he'll share a can with me (even if it's a kind he doesn't like!) so that I can have a treat without risking my health.
In addition to self-care and support from my SO, I have a service dog which it trained many things to alert me to changes in my mood soon enough that I can stay safe.  The dog is also trained to help me with biofeedback, deep pressure therapy.  He wakes me up at the same time every morning and reminds me to take medications at the right time.
I have friends, both online or in person that know me inside-out, or have personal experience with bipolar, so I can find someone to talk to when I need to.  I have a list of things I can do in any state of mind that help bring me back into balance.  And of course, I have talk therapy, psychiatrist, and medications.
Putting together support systems and coping techniques for BOTH of you will be crucial.  If her mental illness causes your worlds to crash, how would you cope?  what would you need?  who can you talk to?  if you need to get away for a few days, where would you go?  where are the nearest inpatient and outpatient pysch clinics/treatments/hospitals?  are there local support groups?  who do you trust?  who does she trust?  are you in a church? other social groups?  what sets her off?  what calms her?
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder

happy bill
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 4/25/2010 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
First of all just because she is BP does not mean your marriage is doomed. Will it take hard work and sacrafice to make it work, yep, absolutly. But anything worth having is worth putting time and effort into it.

First she needs to get medicated and get into therpary if possible. She needs to accept that she is powerless without help in fighting this disorder. If she can accept that and move into medicated management of this disorder than your chances of success have jumped up several times over. And rememeber, this is a life long race, not a sprint. You have to change your thinking into a series of short term, medium term, and long term goals.

The hardest thing for us BP people to do is stay on our meds. Its hard to understand but BP has higher highs than most drugs can provide, and its all free and legal. Most meds really numb us down and make us feel dumb, slow, non sexual, and non creative. However if you stick with it and work with your doctor you can get your meds adjusted to get rid of most of the undesired side effects.

But at the end of the day you have the hard decision to make of staying or going. I have no advice for you except that my wife stuck it out and i did get better without any relapses (I was hypersexual and had a series of affairs) It's been almost 2 years that i have been medicated and thanks to the meds i can honestly say i have been better and more stable. You will need time to think things thru and decide for yourself if this relationship is worth continuing. BP tends to get worse with age, not trying to scare you, just a fact. I myself know i will be on meds the rest of my life. However healthy living, excersise and good planning has really done alot to cut down on what causes me to have a mania.

If you need more, just keep posting. We are here to help.


horse crazy
Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 4/25/2010 9:46 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh, boy...

You have your hands full. I am  bi-polar (diagposed in 1985), been married 41 years and my profession is a marriage counselor.  My family would tell you there are no guarantees with bi-polar.  Staying on meds is a must (in that way I have beeen compliant), but it doesn't mean things will go smoothly.  First of all, your wife may need some adjustments in her meds before the right combination is found.  I think indeed living with a bi-polar erson, one can expect at least some degree of a roller coaster ride.  If she has affairs when she is manic (you are right about the hypersexual part), then if she gets manic again, she is likely to have more affairs.  Nobody wants to "abandon" a partner who is ill, but you need to take into account how much you can take if she stays unstable.  You have to have a life too.  In looking back on my life so far and how I have behaved due to being bi-polar, I find it amazing my family is still intact.  My husband survived by years ago becoming a "roommate" who runs interference when necessary.  We have a friendly relationship, but certainly not a husband/wife relationship. He has become a caretaker.  This is a POSSIBLE otcome for you and your marriage...only you can decide the various possible outcomes and decide if you can live in a marriage like these.  Good luck and keep posting on the forum for support and ideas.

Horse Crazy
Bi-polarII; rapid cycler; Lithium 900 mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg

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