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New Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/11/2010 6:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi again everyone! I recently (about 4 weeks) had my husband leave me due to his not being able to handle my being bi polar. He left the country so I never had any closure and he was my world, literally! Now without resources, and I am a nice looking young woman (not to be egotistical at all lol) I have found that I have made a couple of friends out of 1) fear of being alone and 2) I trust too easily and now am seeing in particular one friend who all of a sudden wants to dangle health insurance money in front of me, food, things that I so desperately need and then make me feel like if I don't do what he says (such as be his girlfriend, be with him sexually, etc.) than I don't get any help. It didn't start off like that but it has turned into something where every moment this individual tells me now "crazy" I am and should be so thankful that anyone would want to bother with me so basically kiss his feet - and when the money is gone, I'm probably going to be "gone" as well.  It makes me feel uneasy and taken advantage of during a vulnerable time and I don't know how to handle it. I do need financial help but at this expense, my morals, my sense of self? Has this happen to anyone else being BP -do people try to control you?  I would appreciate any advice as this is causing me a lot of heartache!

New Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/11/2010 7:51 PM (GMT -7)   
csmc3 - wow, I love your attitude! I admit I am a very sensitive girl, very loving and forgiving and my conscience does get the best of me. I do live with my parents but I grew up in a very abusive environment - they do to me what these guys do in a different way - they sheltered me all my life so I barely knew how to balance my own checks and then now they dangle a little bit of help if I do exactly what they want. Even as a teen, I would work as a go go dancer bc my mom thought I should use my looks versus my brain and then I'd give her the money or I'd be homeless. I am sort of an agoraphobic at this point, which is why I hang on to men who promise me some security in exchange for losing my dignity and letting them make me feel less than spectacular. I don't know what has happened to me. I was an accomplished artist, I went to college, I was always a good girl and then personally I just kept finding frogs to kiss I suppose. I don't have many friends except ones online bc most of them have kids and I have asked for help. They are scared of bi polar people. So, I do feel alone and scared. I am trying to contact government organizations to help me so wish me luck! xxxx

happy bill
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 5/11/2010 8:07 PM (GMT -7)   
There are plenty of men out there who use power games to control you because deep down inside they are insecure and afraid of a real lady challenging them. How do i know, simple, i used to be one of these jerks. THis was many years ago before i grew into a real man who loves and respects women for who they are, not what they can give me.
At the end of the day you need to sit down and establish your proirities , shelter, work, food, etc. Jerks like this are going to be something you have to give up on. they are losers and will not change unless they grow up, which many never do.

Hopefully the goverment can help you out, if not talk to a local church and see if there is someone there who is willing to take you in and give you a hand up.

Hope you find your way to a better future.


New Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/11/2010 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Bill, and thanks for the guys opinion because it helps women like me who can see that men who admit what they were doing is wrong. I'd love to know how you came to be on here and be able to change. Yes, I am putting out tons of emails to local organizations and I am sure with persistance something will come along. Letting go of this guy at first is hard because he tries to tell me that only he can save my life and unfortunately, as far as friends, he has been the only one "there" but "there" comes with a BIG price. I also find myself involved with other BP women friends who are just so unreliable in a mean way. I have commitment issues and social anxiety but there are some friends who go out an attack me bc they are having a bad day - I mean really scary "CALL ME OR I'LL STALK U" kinda of texts! Dear me I sure know how to pick em. xx

happy bill
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 5/11/2010 8:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I am very open about how i came to be here. Basicly BP snuck up on me over the years, i didnt listen to my wife telling me that something was wrong, i thought she was just blaming me to deflect blame from her self. ANyway i was having affairs left and right, and up and down, tongue tongue tongue I laugh about it now, but it is two years removed from the "bad time" Anyway my wife hit the roof, and me in a manic state (not caring if i lived or died) was blaming her for the affairs, (After all it was her fault that i was cheating, she wasnt doing her job at home, crazy how we think when we are manic) So in a fit of rage that i caused in her she stabbed me 5 times with a corkscrew in the neck and face. That night i had a moment of clarity, call it god, goddess, budda, allah, whoever, they heled me see where the true blame belonged in my relationship.

The next day i managed to get an emergecy appoitment with a Pdoc and that with Talk therpay and the right medication (respridal) i am a new man. I still get hypomanic, and live my life on the edge of control. But when i feel the old urges taking hold and i want to cheat i take an extra dose of my meds and it gets me thru.

All in all i am thrilled to the man i am today, yes i am crazy, but you know what i really wouldnt have it any other way. Its a burden that i carry and will carry the rest of my life, but i look for the good, and some of that is a feeling of love normal people cant understand, sex is out of this world, a feeling of peace that has been with me the last 6 months. I am exactly as god created me, who am i to argue with the big guys plan.

Besides at the end of the day it wasnt my fault, i didnt take a drug, or bump my head and wake up bipolar. It is on me to take my meds and continue to be the best husband i can be.

Hope this helps Bill

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/12/2010 6:45 AM (GMT -7)   

You CAN get the financial support without the abuse!  My SO supports me financially - I live with him, so he pays all of the bills.  He pays for my car insurance, my pets' food and vet bills.  He pays for my car to get fixed and for gas.  He buys clothes for my son.  He has offered to pay my car payment, but thankfully I've been able to pay for that.  My health insurance is through the state, and medications through the county.

AND, he expects nothing in return.  I do cook and clean and do whatever I can to make him happy.  Including in the bedroom - but that is because I LOVE him and I WANT to!  Not because I feel pressured or guilty!

It IS possible.  I never believed it was possible until it happened to me! 

Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder

horse crazy
Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 5/15/2010 10:04 PM (GMT -7)   
This guy sounds like a control freak and he is getting increasingly abusive....pulling you down when a healthy relationship should build you up. NEVER let anyone call you "crazy" or put you down because you are BP. Tortoise11 really says it all in her post.
I have been married 41 years and was diagnosed about 15 years ago. At first my husband's reaction was rather mean and verbally abusive...anything but supportive. Mainly, we had 2 kids and he was scared, plus I had a very good job, and he was afraid he would lose all that extra "fun" money that I brought in. (eventually he did) His reaction was very selfish. At first I was devasated and then, I decided (with the help of a therapist) that I didn't deserve this treatment....so I gave hin two choices...shape up or get out. Obvoisly he shaped up You have to set boundaries
Horse Crazy
Bi-polarII; rapid cycler; Lithium 900 mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg

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