I told my SO right away before there was ever an issue, "If I ever say 'I can't do this' give me a hug and tell me that I already am doing it!"
Tell him how to support you. Don't leave him guessing.
Thanks Tortoise, I will try that....I have tried it in the past and he gets so angry....I am just SO frustrated that he and I are back in this pattern. He is mad b/c I am depressed. Same story as always. I am going to be talking to my counsellor about this although I know she will wisely suggest what you suggested.
It is such great advice, I am going to try and discuss with him. I just fear the anger. Thank you so much for replying. I feel so completely and totally alone right now
Counselling was not so great. She was over-bearing and did almost all of the talking. We did discuss (or rather she talked about) my fight with bf and how it's a pattern with us lately since my depression has returned. She asked me how I managed my illness at work. She said she guessed I managed it very well at work. She asked me how this was vs. the way I manage it at home. She explained how my bf must feel when I walk in the door "at zero".
Hmmm....yes, I don't want to make him feel bad or cause tension....But on those days when I am "at zero" honestly I feel that at that point I need and deserve a soft place to fall. My energy (the "zero" amount that I have) is not worrying about totally pretending I am ok, however I do do that on a lot of days as well--all in order to protect him. I really do feel at time he is unfair to me, and I fully believe that is because he does not understand what I need. And he does not try to. When I talk about how the depression makes me feel, he seizes up. All these years we've been together, we have not been able to break this barrier.
Anyway, we ended the session with her telling me not to go home in a "slump"...to try that for a change....Hmmmm....Wondering what you guys think?
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…
What is your bf's issue about feeling? Does he really seize up? Maybe he needs some counseling? Or maybe he is starting to react because he recognizes the pattern of this-is-going-to-be-a-fight?
While you do NEED home to be a sanctuary where you can just "be," he also has a NEED to be with you - not with your mood - but with you!
I don't know how you cope with things, but if you're like me and sometimes you just need to cry and FEEL IT deeply to 'get over it', can you stop somewhere on your way home and have a moment? Or go home, but leave immediately and take a walk?
I think he loves you and he misses you, when you are in a depression. Maybe it is fear, or anxiety that causes him to shut down. Maybe it is loneliness, or even rejection!
With BP, we feel things so intensely, that sometimes we all forget to think about how it affects everyone else!
"Suck it up" for a moment while you are alone and try to use the logical (left) side of your brain. What can you DO to help your bf deal with you?
I do this by setting an alarm to take my meds on time, leaving when I am hypomanically angry, and telling him what is going on. Like saying "This is not a mood swing, I am legitimately upset about _____" Or telling him that I'm having a mood swing, but I took my med at X time and will be better by X time.
Take care of your man so he can take care of you. (((hug)))