I am defeated. I feel like there is no hope left. Bf won't educate himself. When we first got together I was just diagnosed and so I did all I could to learn about what I was going to be dealing with. I bought books, which I still refer to...I attended two support groups, one for bp the other for anxiety and panic disorder.
He lacks compassion when it comes to this illness. There is a lot of resentment on both our parts. I just bought a new book: The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert, PH.D, and it is a really interesting read. So maybe I will learn some things from this book.
I don't see how bf is ever going to be my partner in this illness. There is so much he does not know. When I try to tell him, I don't know what goes through his mind, but the expression on his face is like "Please stop talking about this". I am sure he is uncomfortable, but why can't he just try to understand and listen?????
Today I have been wondering about our future. It is in question for me once again. I just turned 29, and my life is just going on by....almost 5 years for this relationship.....I want in my life to be married and starting a family at this point, but I can't while I am feeling the way I am feeling. So unsure, and so alone.
Plus, I really have my Mom to worry about right now with her cancer. It's only been 6 weeks since we found out and it's hard just trying to accept that whole nightmare.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day