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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/26/2010 7:40 PM (GMT -7)   
ok my name is Dee I have been diagnosed as manic depressive also known as bipolar. What is killing me is the depression. I lost my husband October 17 2009 to a methadone od and I can not handle it. I moved in with my mother who drinks every day and dose not understand why I don't feel like doing anything. I had a panic attack last night  I just took some clonazapram and it calmed me down.  I phoned a therapist but its 60 dollars a hour I am on dissabilaty and cant afford that but I need counseling. I say up to 3 am and wake up about 2pm in the afternoon. I have to make all my appointments after 3 pm because I just cant make it to them. I lost interest in the things I once loved to do. Like go down to the water and take pictures and plastic canvas. I still keep my camera charged just in case I want to go for a walk. my mp3 player broke and I love music. the song one last breath by creed fits me right now. I want to get out of this depression I want to feel better  I want help. I also have a 6 year old little girl that needs me. my mom takes her to day care/ school and I pick her up. I still read my harry potter books though I really like reading. I am taking saraquil and cylexa for my bipolar and take it as prescribed.

heres a picture of me and Emily my daughter.

Post Edited By Moderator (happy bill) : 6/26/2010 8:55:40 PM (GMT-6)

happy bill
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/26/2010 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
  Hi dee, thanks for posting. I had to edit your post since we cant discuss self harm here (We have members as young as 13 here)  Aside from that its tough out there. I would first work on seeing if you can get disability to pay for your therpay. ALso save as much as you can and get yourself a new mp3 player. Music is so imortant to people like us.
  Also feel free to post here and see if you can find some answers here. THere is a wealth of experience here to pull in from.
  GOod luck  Bill 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/26/2010 8:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I asked disability if they would pay for it they said no they would not. They told me to go to Ontario works and maybe they have a program to help me with it. So I will phone them I will get a new mp3 player on Wednesday thats when i get money next. This time i will buy a more pricey one lol the other one was cheap. maybe i will go to a pawn shop they would have a good one for a cheap price. everyone has gone to bed now and I feel better. thats why i like staying up no one bugs me and I can relax. I am getting some new fish tomorrow so that should perk me up a bit.
single mom with many fish tanks

red lightening
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 6/27/2010 6:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome Deebipolar!
That is an awesome picture of you and your daughter.
Sounds like you're in a tough situation right now...depression
is a horrible life choking illness but thank God for meds...they
work really well for me for about 6-9 months then I'm back in
the hole again. I've found this site to be full of understanding people.
Glad you're here and welcome!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/29/2010 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Welcome Dee! I live in Ontario as well. I am so sorry for your loss. I understand finanically you are struggling but I'm wondering about the negative effects of living with your mother who is drinking a lot? It just doesn't help you... Our everyday living environments are crucial to being as healthy as we can be...

I can't imagine being on disability, from a financial point of view. There are days where I really feel I'd be better off not working, but I know I could never afford it. And money stress is so detrimental to me I wouldn't be able to handle such little support. I hear you about counselling. Ask Ontario Works if there are any other options in your community; they should know that information.

Keep taking those meds, keep listening to music and keep posting!!!!


Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day

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