For those of you who don't know, my Mom was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer a couple months ago. It has spread to the hip bone and the diagnosis was a shock. She had no lung symptoms/warnings at all. It all surfaced with her hip pain. Long story short, doctors screwed up on the first MRI of her hip and months went by as the tumor in the bone (and lung) grew.
I knew when we found out, that the prognosis for stage IV is not good; or hopeful.
Her oncologist about
a month ago (after she had done a few weeks of radiation on her hip) made a referral to see a lung surgeon for the mass in her lung and a surgeon to operate on her hip. She met with the lung surgeon on Wednesday and he told her the mass in her lung is too large. He said she would have to undergo more radiation and chemo and then he would review if it shrunk enough; in about
6 months. I was devastated. I am still in such a fog, but on Wednesday, it really sank in that my Mom is going to die
The realization is killing me and I honestly don't know how to survive this.
Bf was really helpful yesterday; we went to the park with blanket and cooler and read books, talked and the weather was perfect. So that soothed me. Then we got home and sat out on the deck and played a game of crib, which also helped.
I am going to need him bigtime through this. I know it's going to be good days and bad because the depression can intensify so fast. Even between moments yesterday, the pain inside of me was so bad I wanted to just.....you know....
I am scared, terrified actually. I have no appetite, and feel sick to my stomach almost around the clock. Panic attacks are daily. I called pdoc at the beginning of the week to get in sooner than next week, but have not heard back.
I don't know how to get through this. I really don't.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day