My first melt down in almost 2 years.

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happy bill
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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 7/5/2010 12:43 PM (GMT -7)   
  Ok, it finally happened. After almost two years without a anger outburst slash rage incident i finally had one. And its ok, because of everything it took to bring it on.
   1. i am still sick, on a thrid round of antibiotics trying to get the lymph nodes in my neck to stop swelling. They hurt all weekend, and i was generally feeling tired and fatigued.
   2. I am very very tired. It seems everyone in my family expects me to do just about every darn thing. From worrying about the money, (Aint that a kick in the butt, a BP person worried about spending money correctly) smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin   To working 80-90 hours a week at three jobs that all want more of me, to having to come home and clean, do dishes, laundry, etc, and driving my wife to all these doctors visits (not her fault, but it still wears on me)  I just don't seem to get enough sleep.
  3 HOT< HOT< HOT (and i dont mean the GQ pictures of me, on sale now at your local news stand) shocked shocked shocked tongue tongue tongue    It was so darn hot.
  4 I had just finished driving 6 hours from pittsburg, that with Thor in my lap looking at me the whole way.  Not a happy puppy.
   So all this conspired to come together with a back yard grilling malfunction. I had everything cooking ok, but the heat was a little low. So i turned the knob just a bit and left it for 5 minutes. Came back and it was at 800 degrees and the hot dogs and hamburgers were on fire. (Again not like my photos, soon to be aviable at your local news stand) smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin   smilewinkgrin   But actually on FIRE. I lost it and beat the grill with the plastic spatula. (Ok, not sure what damage i thought i would cause, then again i wasnt exactly in my right mind).
    So i calmed right down, cleaned up the mess, went and bought new hamburgers and hot dogs and made great burgers after all. I wasnt happy that i lost my temper like that, and i explained to my son what happened (he is 19) and that i will try harder to not have that happen again. All in all everything turned out ok, i will try to get more rest, and i took a double dose of my respirdal to help me over the hump.
     Ok, just wanted to share with you all. I am doing better and am at the firehouse today. I will try and get a long nap in as soon as i can.  Like i said, it was a lot of things to finally drive me over the edge,  hopefully i can be on the lookout for these things in the future and avoid some mental strife.
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 672
   Posted 7/5/2010 1:22 PM (GMT -7)   
/bill  sorry that you have so much stress....... it will get better soon..
hugs, Caren

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/5/2010 3:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry to hear about all the stressors that have come your way. It's no wonder you melted down. And your meltdown doesn't sound that terribly bad after all, y'know, given all that you're going through. Ya kinda owe it to yourself to beat at those burgers with a plastic spatula. (I'm picturing this, and I hate to say this, Bill, but it's making me smile.) Anyway, don't be hard on yourself. And get some sleep.

bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/5/2010 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Bill,

I am shaking my head at you smiling, only b/c I too found the picture of you melting down on the hog dogs and burgers a little humurous or "Bill-like" In other words, you always seem to try and find humor, so that is one way I looked at it.

And you had me laughing about your HOT pics, not laughing at you tho b/c I am rushing out to those stores as soon as they're in!

On a serious note (I know not your favourite note LOL) I am sorry you experienced "losing it" like that. Certainly with all that's going on, I can imagine almost exactly how you were feeling at that moment. A lot of us could. So I am sorry. I am glad to hear that you are doing damage control immediately. You get a pat on the back for that, you really do.

And have I mentioned before that sleep is the MOST essential part to our healing. You guarenteed are not going to feel well if you don't get sleep. So please do, and please post how you are doing tomorrow.

Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day

red lightening
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 7/6/2010 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Give yourself a pat on the least you didn't beat your
kid or dog with the spatula...
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