Hi belle! I'm glad to see you back on here - I wish it was under different circumstances!
Can you do something for me? Write a letter to yourself. A LONG letter detailng exactly how terrible you feel about
everything that has happened.
Keep it. And when you feel tempted or you are starting into an elevated mood but you don't want to get help because it still feels good, read it! It is almost impossible to remember (or care about
) consequences when you are in that mood state.
And I recommend the book "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder." It is incredibly helpful for both, and will hopefully get some healthy, constructive conversation going between the two of you.
I think you know what to do and are already doing it. You love your kids and your boyfriend and to keep them in your life, you will need to go to your pdoc - make it clear it is an emergency! Don't wait a month for an appointment if you can avoid it!
Good luck with your new job! I hope it works out for you. May I suggest you repay the mortgage money to your boyfriend with your first paychecks? And then make permanent changes together so that can never happen again?
Take care of yourself - I'll be thinking about
you this afternoon!
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."