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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 7/21/2010 4:58 PM (GMT -7)   
If you're a Ludacris fan, the topic title rings a bell. I thought it was appropriate.
Anywho, this is Eric and I was on this board back in March. It was helpful and insightful, but then some of the negativity and sorrow just fueled my depression, so I had to step away. By the way, I'm 31, work in radio and diagnosed BP2...but darn the thing progressed really fast in the spring time.
I came back because I wanted to share my past few months with you guys.
After I got away from here and started working with a new psychologist, I actually got worse. My depression was more frequent and mania became more infrequent. I didn't even have interests in finding interests, work bored me, sex drive was shot. Things were hopeless as they get for someone who's usually in constant control as someone can be with what we/I have. The doc was a nice woman to work with, but the education I got from her, of my disorder actually wound up paralyzing me mentally. The scary S word creeped into my life. Things got worse and worse and S word thoughts intensified day by day.
Instead of ruining/ending my life, I finally decided to try the meds again do anything necessary to make them stick and work their magic. That sent me back to the psychiatrist who hooked me up on lamictal and abilify, which turned out to be god sends. I regained clarity in my life, my depressive episodes weren't as frequent and the S word vanished from my thinking.
Part of the reason I came back to the board is because I've been having some headaches and vision probs from the drugs, and my doc told me to scale back to see if that reduced the side effects. It has, somewhat, but it's also reduced the effectiveness of the drugs, so I'm a bit down and wanted to "be around" others like myself. So here I am again, yet will stick it out with you guys rather than running like the last time even once I'm able to ramp back up to ample doses of the drugs. And of course I get to read about Bill's antics. The guy is a true positive inspiration!
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 7/21/2010 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome back! I too am on my sixth or seventh or.. eighth.... psychiatrist. It's such a bummer when you find medication that works for you but comes with unbearable side effects. It might be time to make some life style changes to reduce your need for medication so that the lower dosage works just as well as the high one!
"crazy" french girl with bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 7/21/2010 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I can deal with the headaches, and vision issues. Hopefully I'll adjust once I find the right dosage for me. There are much worse side effects I could've gotten. When I was on prozac, I hated my life lol. I was going from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was wrong with me, when all along it was prozac side effects. oy!

I think I'm on 9th psychologist.
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"

happy bill
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 7/21/2010 5:10 PM (GMT -7)   
  Glad to see you are back, and thank you, however i am not positive at all, i am a negative jerk who is just trying to fool you all with my evil plan.  smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin
   Med side effects are a true pain in the butt, as iff we dont have enough to worry about. I''ll telll you the first drug that promisses that i lose weight and get my hair back i am goiong on, no questions asked.
  Keep posting, and if you find yourself getting a little down, leave it be for a while. THis is some harsh and heavy stuff we deal with on here.
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/21/2010 7:15 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm on #8. :D Welcome back!
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/24/2010 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome back to the board! Sorry to hear of your bouts with severe depression. While I can understand you needed to step away for a bit, at least take comfort in knowing that we know how you feel.

Meds sometimes can make all the difference for us. I love to read success stories with medication. It gives me hope. I was dx'd in 2005 and still have not found the combination. Sure over the years I've had brief periods of stability, but that's not what the goal it gets really frustrating. And the side effects are a pain.

I hope the side effects go away for you and I hope you have found the right pdoc for yourself. That makes all the difference as well.

Take care, glad you are back.

Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed for panic attacks
---temporarily off Lamictal----
Seroquel 50mg/night

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