GreenTeaHero, I hate many of the same things that you do. I absolutely hate not wanting to do anything. I used to be such an avid knitter and needlepointer, and for the past couple of months, I haven't wanted to do anything except sleep. And then unfortunatelyI have to wake up from the sleep. Mornings are, for me, the worst times. I wake up and think, "Oh, no. I'm still alive. And here's another day."
I don't have a job, and I'm not nearly busy enough, despite the volunteer work I do. And even when I'm doing volunteer work, I can't seem to get my mind off how horrible I feel.
I still seem to have the withdrawal symptoms, although they're not quite as bad as they were. The nausea isn't quite as bad, but I still have the shakes. The panic attacks aren't quite as bad and don't last quite as long, but they're still here.
My pdoc's nurse, knowing that I was going on a new drug this weekend--Depakote--suggested that I have someone stay with me this weekend. My estranged husband did, and he was wonderful. So empathetic and kind. I'm so grateful to him. We had some good talks. I hate to have him see me this far down and this vulnerable, but whatcha gonna do? I made it through the weekend without having to check into the psych ward--the pdoc's nurse had alerted the doc on call that I might have to do so--so I don't know if that's a triumph or not. Maybe it would be better to be in the psych ward getting "more aggressive treatment," as the nurse called it, whatever that may be.
I am so sick of feeling sick, GreenTeaHero, so I hear you.
I'm glad you snapped out of it.
I called a few friends after my estranged hubby went home and talked to them and really LISTENED to their problems, and that seems to've helped me, too. For the past few months, I've felt so alienated from everybody and everything, as I feel I'm sliding farther and farther downhill. So it was nice to feel I'd established a connection with some other people who're suffering.
GreenTeaHero, hang in there. We care about you.
bipolar II, panic/anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome
current meds: Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Topamax, 50 mg