I recently had to go off my meds b/c of a mistake from my insurance company--so I had to wean off everything b/c I couldn't pay for the meds. I am in the process of working my way back to my dosages and it's taking it's toll. So I can relate to the panic you are feeling. And the mood swings.
I know that for me when I get pregnant someday, I am going to go off my meds before trying to get pregnant and stay off of them until the baby is born/breast feeding done etc. But that is my personal choice. I know it's going to be a nightmare; no meds plus hormones cannot be a recipie for stability. But I plan to use the tools I learned in the support group I was in a few years ago. I should use these tools more in my daily life now, but I tend to lean on the meds (laziness on my part). Things like CBT, exercise, diet etc. Basically I plan to just try and make myself work harder to keep myself feeling well.
I'm not saying you're not working hard at all. I am sure you are. And I am sure I'm going to be exactly where you are at when my time comes. I am sure my "plans" are so much easier said than done! Do you see a therapist/or have any professional to talk to other than a GP or OBGYN? Are there any support groups in your area? I can't tell you how much the one I was in helped! Just meeting with people face to face each week and listening and supporting each other was a huge help.
Anyway, I am thinking of you and I hope things mellow out for you soon.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed for panic attacks
---temporarily off Lamictal----