Welcome to HW. Glad you found us.
What a situation. What tortoise said about
the mania being triggered is spot on. We all know as bps when experiencing symptoms of mania (no matter how mild) or depression, we need to realize how it affects our ability to make good decisions. And this is a situation where you need to be making healthy good decisions.
Not only do you have the bp symptoms to sort of get in the way, but the love you have for her could be blinding you? I only say this because being bipolar you know:
Alcohol and drugs do not mix with bp and when addiction is involved, you know what it takes to shake it and that it's a lifetime battle to stay sober...you know that although you are not using yourself, being with someone who has this illness and is using is promising disaster.
I understand that it's not you wanting to fix her, but rather, you want to help her through to the other side of this. With her bp symptoms out of control (meds not working, her not helping herself in other therpeutic ways) helping her out of this situation may not be possible at this time. And in order for you to stay healthy, I don't believe this relationship is safe for you at this point. Red flags all over the place, truly.
You also said it yourself, with this ex in the picture, how confident are you that things really could turn around and stay that way?
I understand that you love her, but think of those red flags and ask yourself seriously what the chances are of this working out the exact way you want and need it to?
Only we ourselves can manage our illness; partners cannnot do so for us. We are the ones responsible for our choices.
As far as having so much in common; perhaps in your past...but from what you are telling us about
who you are now, I don't see the important things in common....
My heart really goes out to you because you love her so much and this is a nightmare, but I can't emphasize enough that we need to make healthy choices and decisions to lead and live healthy lives. I am sure you can find such love in someone else if that is what is in the cards, or rather, in your hands....
Please take care of yourself and please keep posting,
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed for panic attacks
---temporarily off Lamictal----