Flipped out last night

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Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 8/17/2010 5:51 AM (GMT -7)   
over a comment BF made. but it really hurt my feelings...  I have recently been under a ton of stress and started smoking again in the past few weeks.   And we had a small disagreement last night , and we were doing very well talking it out when he hit me with " I dont want to date someone that smokes"  I just looked at him crazy, and I got really upset.  I said then DONT date someone who smokes. PERIOD. Then I got up and stormed out.  I was VERY angry.  I know I probably over reacted yes.... But  to ME , his comment meant that he doesnt want me if I smoke cigarettes.  wait a sec,... that IS what he said ..... ok  
That makes me feel like nothing... like I mean nothing to him.  I yelled alot last night.. I was crying and told him not to tell me he loves me anymore bc its BS.  and he said " My love is unconditional, but I wont be made a fool of, when you love someone you dont steal from them, you dont scream , yell and lie to them and try to kill yourself. "  " most people would have never let you in the house after those incidents, and I stood by you through all of that"  BUT " I dont want someone that smokes" 
am I making too much of his comment about smoking??  Does anyone know if people with aspergers do things like this ( take TINY little issues and make them huge)

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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 8/17/2010 6:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hmmm.... *I* take tiny issues and make them huge. I had a bag night - no yelling... but whatever.

Maybe it's a big issue to him? Has he mentioned it before? I'm like that - if my fiance started smoking again (he quit 10 yrs ago) I would have MAJOR issues.

But how did he receive that email you sent?

The thing that bothers me is that he implies that "if you love me enough, you wouldn't be BP" - do you get that in what he says? CLEARLY, his love is NOT unconditional!!

Plus he's doing the classic controlling guilt trip "No one will love you or take care of you except me." I heard that one for 6 years... and I completely believed it. And I found out what love really is later - and it's so much better than that!
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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 8/17/2010 7:37 PM (GMT -7)   
My husband has told me before, "It's the cigarettes or me!" That was after his grandmother was diagnosed and had to be put on oxygen. He hated the smell and taste and didn't want him or the kids to be affected in any way by the affects of second hand smoke, and he said he wasn't going to watch me kill myself and end up like her. It is a big issue to some people, whether they have other issues or not. I told him I would quit when I was good and ready and if he tried to force me to quit by pulling that crap, then I would only start back up later on because I wasn't ready. Plus, there was a TON of stress at that point in time and he knew I wouldn't deal with the quitting smoking very well at that point in time. I simply asked him to give me some time. I would do it, but on my own, not by him forcing me to quit. Hopefully you two can figure this out. It can be a tough one.

Oh, and from what I've seen with love...love can make you do crazy stuff and BP can also make you do crazy stuff. If he understood either of these things at all, I'm thinking he should know at least that much...
Take care of yourself.
I know I'm not perfect, and I don't live to be...But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. - Bob Marley

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happy bill
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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 8/18/2010 4:29 AM (GMT -7)   
  SOrry, as another non smoker here i have to say that would be  deal breaker for me also. Smokers dont seem to get how awefull that smell and taste is, it gets everywhere. Plus you know it is bad for you and you continue to do it, another no no.
  If he said this over say, leaving the toothpaste cap off the tube, then i would say he is out of line. But on this subject i have to stand by him. It's not like drinking where you can use mouthwash and not smell it, smoke gets everywhere and us non smokers can smell it from a mile away.
"If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"

"It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself." Happy Bill

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