Working every day

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 9/1/2010 6:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey guys,
My job at the hospital has done a complete 360 since I started almost a year ago last September. When I started, I literally watched the clock tick for my 8 hour shift. All my pdocs were new to the hospital, so things were slow at first. Now, I am so busy, but my illness is making things so extremely difficult right now with regards to work.
I am really in agony getting up and getting ready in the mornings (and I was dealing with this before the Seroquel). The depression just wants me to stay in bed at least until noon, and then maybe I could function. So that is one thing. The other thing: Working for THREE psychiatrists is all about balance and prioritizing. It's critical that I am totally organized, because it is my job to keep them organized. I am lucky one out of my three is only here two days a week, but I do have a workload for all of them.
My main problem with this is, the depression of course is affecting my energy. I am feeling fatigue, not triedness. My motivation is not there and I am finding it almost impossible to concentrate on one thing for more than 20 minutes or less. This is NOT good. I need to be getting things done each day; not pushing them aside until "the next day". Basically I have always been a very organized, professional person, but all the stress I'm under and with the depression intensifying is really affecting my ability to do a good job. And I'm not okay with it.
My one pdoc boss is aware of my bp; I will not share it with the other two even though they are just as wonderful. I know if the one who knows, knew how much I was struggling, she would insist I take a leave. I don't want to do this for several reasons. Our department is moving to another building on our campus in a month, so I need to be here for that (before, during and after) and I just don't feel comfortable taking a leave at this point. Although it would give me time to rest, cope and get better, I would be dealing with anxiety and guilt over being away from my job; probably constantly worrying about losing my dream career.
So what do I do? How can I stay on track and get work done??? I need my concentration. I need to be here and get work done!
What jobs do you guys have and how to you get through each day with some sort of production?
(seeing my pdoc in 3 weeks)
Thanks guys,

Bipolar II
Anxiety Disorder/Panic Attacks

Meds-Lamictal 300 mg, Seroquel XR 100 mg, Clonazepam .5mg as needed

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 9/1/2010 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   
I couldn't - I lost every job as soon as I headed into panic and depression. I'm a stay-at-home-momma now and my fiance supports me. I do odd jobs to earn a little spending money and pay for my car.

Sorry - I know that's not helpful to you, but I want to say how much I admire you for doing what you are doing under the circumstances.
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder

Depakote, Abilify - FAIL; Seroquel - Epic Fail
Lamictal 150mg (up to 200mg soon), Klonopin 0.5mg as needed, starting Seroquel XR 50mg soon

red lightening
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 9/1/2010 7:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I can keep a job for about 4 months and then the depression and anxiety come back and I fall apart. I tried to get on disability but was turned down so I am looking for another part-time job and always hopeful that I can keep it. Just try to do the best you can one day at a time and perhaps change your meds up.
If it weren't for my husband supporting me I'd have to live with my Mom. I am very thankful but also feel guilty but I am doing the best I can to get another job and try, try again...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 9/1/2010 2:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh mogs I do not know what to say to help, but sending good thoughts your way.
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I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 9/3/2010 6:43 AM (GMT -7)   
New to all this but......I would tell the psychiatrist that you work for that already knows what is going on for you. I would also tell them how you feel about needing time at such an awkward (although not CRUCIAL) time for the practice (faculty?). Can you cut back your hours until you feel on top of things again? (Can someone be brought in to cover you?)
If you stay (full time) while you feel like this you're probably not going to get better........I'm taking a break from the path to my dream career.....It is (has been) hard to accept but I'm on the road to getting back to it (It's been a little over 2 months now).

For me it would come down to: realistically would I lose my job?
Would my boss who is a psychiatrist be understanding?
Can I get better the way things are going?
What CAN I do to get better???????

Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 9/3/2010 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   
I work in social work, and have done for the last 10 years, before this, I was working in Dementia and terminal care, for eight years. The only way I have been able to function as well as I have, is by working the graveyard shifts.

I am really good at leaving 'ME', at the door, as I felt that my charges deserved the right to be the centre of my full focus. As I left work, I picked 'ME', up again, and continued with my journey at home.

This process is a hard one to explain, and some days, things are way too big, and harder to let go for 8.5hrs, but mainly, I have been able to 'bluff' my way through.

The other bit of advice is to tell you, know one at work knows anything to do with my back ground, my 'issues', I want to be treated as equel to the colleagues around me, and if I have a strong opinion about something, I don't want others to discredit it, becuase, 'she has issues'. This also means, others aren't watching me, (well, no more than other staff), and this way, I can apear to be as normal as the next person.

I really hope you are able to bring a balance to what is happening within you, the battle is a tough one, but it is one that you know, it's a rollarcoaster, well travelled, and this too shall pass.

Take gentle care, and celebrate what you are able to do.

happy bill
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 9/3/2010 12:24 PM (GMT -7)   
im sorry mogs, depression really really sucks. i hope it gets better for you soon. busy though is good, imho the busier we are the more occupied our minds are, which i think helps us alot. lots of hugs
"If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"

"It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself." Happy Bill

Meds. Respirdal 0.5 a day, more if needed.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 884
   Posted 9/5/2010 10:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mogli.  I don't have bipolor but I do suffer from major depression and have been fighting the same fight with concentration that you are.  So here are some thoughts.
I don't know about you, but I work very well with lists and love nothing better than to really cross things off with red marker when I am done.  So what I try to do when I am having trouble functioning is to make my list, being carefull to break down big tasks into little baby steps.  And then I prioritize this list from most important to least important.  (I usually do this on Microsoft Word or Excell when I can sort and prioritize in seconds.)  Obviously, you know things will change during the workday as new items inevitably come up.    But for me concentrating on one small tiny piece at a time gives me a little bit of feeling like I can control something.  And also, by taking the initial time to write things down it minimizes the risk of me forgetting something - which is what I usually do when I am having trouble functioning.
Also, this advice is from my therapist and I admit I still need to follow this, but it does make sense.  Could you take some walks or get any kind of exercise in?  This should help with your concentration.  Other than that, try to be kind to yourself outside of work.  Try to get as much rest as you can, eat right, etc.  And keep going to your counselor for talk therapy too.  ...As I have read in your prior posts I know that you are having difficulty in coping and deciding whether or not to stay in your relationship and that is also causing extra stress as well.  I can honestly say I totally understand that too as it took my therapist about 3-4 yours to get me to realize that my 14 year old marriage was so abusive that it was crucial for me and my girls to end it.  So, even though its a separate issue I understand that's effecting you too.
But all in all, my recommendation would be those lists.  Also, if you are feeling that you're just getting too stressed out I would recommend silent moments of meditation to pull yourself back together.
My best wishes,
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