At the end of the Rope

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/6/2010 3:10 PM (GMT -7)   
 Hi, I am new and really lost right now... Anything anyone can say would really help me out. As I sit here, my girlfriend and I are more than likely broken up... not sure where it stands. She suffers from Bi-Polar and hasn't yet gone to a proper psycologist. She was going to a regular doctor who was just randomly going through his list of meds. Nothing has really worked over time.
 Our relationship is a constant rollar coaster. One minute its magic then the next we re screaming and yelling... I have read about BP and everything just says to be patient and supportive but its just hard... I am a Iraqi War vet who has suffered from PTSD and depression myself and I am sorry to say my anger can flare if continually provoked. I have NEVER put my hands on any woman and in fact have defended complete strangers when I've seen it. But it seems to be part of the BP that she just pushes and pushes me until I have to walk out the door because I am so angry. I know that won t help and in fact probably makes it worse but I have to remove myself from the situation to control my anger... I imagine I need help too but I have been through my own trials and know the warning signs...
  I love my girlfriend with all my heart and do everything I can to try and make it work, but she constantly tells me I am not doing anything to make it better and she sees no effort from me. It hurts sooo bad. I am at the edge and don't want it to be over but its seems the episodes are weekly now and its pushing me as far as I can take. I have proposed setting boundries, safe words to let each other know when its getting too much, trying to give her breaks, etc... I just don't know what else to do! We each have a child who live with us and we are all one big happy family when its good, but the arguments start over the pettiest things and then accusations of unfair parenting arise. It's a mess.
I guess my question is this: Is the fact that both of us obviously have issues that conflict and aggravate the others make us an impossible match? Should we cut our losses and give it some time? Should would both go to counsling together? Seperately? Please help.... 

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 9/6/2010 3:41 PM (GMT -7)   
There is a very good book you can buy for $15 called 'loving someone with bipolar disorder'. The book has a lot of helpful information about working together as a couple to manage the disease. the book also suggests that if you really love this girl that you should give the relationship 6 more months to 'improve' (i.e. her not unintentionally emotionally abusing you through her disorder).
the only thing i can really stress about this is that she really has to go to a proper psychiatrist who can prescribe medication for the disorder and also a therapist so she can work through her issues without taking them out on you. the disorder is manageable but really without medication it's just not going to work, not initially at least. she needs to learn how to take care of herself, control and prevent her mood swings, and be a contributing partner in the relationship. if all of your problems stem from her bipolar and not her own particular personality flaws, then they will go away with treatment. it won't always be a downhill battle. you will go from having good 'hours' in the relationship to days and weeks with no fights and no problem. but please get her to a psychiatrist. otherwise nothing will ever improve.
i'm a crazy french girl with bp II
i take 300mg of seroquel every night and 0.5mg of ativan.

happy bill
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 9/7/2010 6:15 AM (GMT -7)   
     It all has to start with her gettign diagnosed and ACCEPTING that she has a problem. If she doesnt or wont accept that then the relationship is  a no go. And honestly it took alot of us hitting really rock bottom to accept that maybe the problem was with us, and not with the world at large.
    And you ahve to understand that failure is an option here. Loveing  a BP person isnt something you get right the first time. Practice, practice, practice and even then its no guanrtee. Think about it this way, when you first shot in the military, didnt you get better with practice? Got probally pretty good also.  But the first time you were under fire (If you were) almost everyones accuracy goes out the window. Its only after you live a bit under fire for a while do you learn to cope with it well.  Thats perfect training for living with a BP person. We have the ability to move moutains one day, and to be struck down by our own minds the next. We are both increadibility powerful and unbelieveablity fragile at the same time.
   For us normal emotional swings are not in the picture. We swing wildly from one pole to the other. Medication helps but short of drugging us into a stupor we allways still have the problems, they are just more managable.
   Good luck.
"If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"

"It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself." Happy Bill

Meds. Respirdal 0.5 a day, more if needed.

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/7/2010 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the feedback guys... I especially can relate to your analogy Bill. I was under fire and in fact was in some pretty nasty stuff. I saw some friends die and had to do some things that still haunt me to this day but I learned to cope with that before I met her. I am wondering if my own issues may be resurfacing in the face of the the stress levels that have risen here. We are in kind of a lull of numbness right now. There is potential no doubt and hopefully she will see the psych soon. I have found one that takes her insurance and told her I would go with her to try and be supportive but I guess its a day to day thing. I just hope it gets more stable... A question though since you guys have been helpful. Is shopping everytime money comes available part of this? How about stomach pains and a tight chest? Is it something I need to worry about more in the short term?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 9/7/2010 2:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder

Depakote, Abilify - FAIL; Seroquel - Epic Fail
Lamictal 200mg, Klonopin 0.5mg as needed, starting Seroquel XR 50mg soon

red lightening
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 9/7/2010 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Loving someone with Bipolar IS being on a roller coaster. But it can get better
with the right meds, diagnosis and counselling. My husband and I both have Bipolar.
We have been to 4 or 5 different marriage counsellors throughout our 15 year
relationship and they have all helped us out tremendously. Most people wait too
late to get to a marriage counsellor...after everything's fallen apart. Maybe there
is still time for you all to get some better communucation skills...which is what I've
been told by all the marriage counsellors is the no. 1 reason why couples have problems.
Good luck and hang on here for continued support!

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 9/7/2010 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I can say, that I know where your coming from. I am a very good natured person, until I am provoked. I am easily agitated, and impatient. My wife is bipolar, and we have been together only a little over 2 yrs, so, this is very new to me. The harsh words cut to the bone, and are hard to get over. Recently she has gotten on meds, it's still hit and miss right now, but we are closing in on the right combination. Meds work. If you love her, hang in there, you may be the one to make a difference in her life. Try not to engage her in argument, even though it's hard not to. (believe me, I know) And, it does take practice, and patience, to learn how to deal with it. Educate yourself on her condition, and talk to the people on this site, not only for her, but for yourself, as well. We are here for each other.
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