My name is Tarquin and my fiance' was recently diagnosed w/ bipolar disorder. We have been together for 2.5 years and have been through many ups and downs. She told me at the very beginning she suffered from depression, had been on and off of medication, in and out of therapeutic & psychiatric help. She explained the horrors she went through during childhood, 2 marriages she married into, but never loved the men and the series of relationships (all abusive, broke and manic) which caused her to suffer through more dramatic and dangerous situations.
She also told me about her on-going medical issues, first suffering through fybromyalgia and currently, pseudo-tumor cerebri. Due to her health issues, she was often depressed. There were many episodes of depression and her hindsight often becoming the trigger to her mood swings. Her past relationships (all bad) caused us to compomise us from even going into certain parts of the town/neighborhoods. We immediately fell in love with one another and eventually moved in w/ one another and her 2 daughters, got engaged and I even hired her onto my work site as a staff person due to her wealth of experience in teaching. As she became more comfortable, she began revealing some of the horrible situations she had lived through as well as some of the choices she made that got her into them...one of the startling revelations were the multi-abortions she had done over the years; some justifiable because of rape, some shocking and left former partners completely devastated, they left town, or she had them performed w/o an ex-spouse's knowledge.
Between her ups & downs, I continued supporting her 100%, w/ her assisting any way she could. She was very conscious in doing the best she could in also supporting when her illness allowed her to function in the middle. I didn't know what a "manic" episode was until recently when she was diagnosed w/ BD. As her ideas became more delusional, her follow-through w/ all these ideas waning into non-existence, I started to question her and at times, checked her (1.5 ys ago). This was the beginning of the first on-slaught of accusatons, deep jealousy and projections of her own thoughts, but accusing me of having and/or doing the thoughts. Any interaction w/ a female employee brought on suspicion and even resentment by her. These series of events would always follow deep bouts of depression where she would spend 10 to 12 hrs, days at a time, just watching television. It baffled me, but at the same time, I understood her depression to be much deeper than I could possibly understand. I began to suggest she apply for government assisted insurance so she could start seeing a psychiatrist again (we still aen't married). After months of suggestions, prodding, came the even more brutal outbursts about how I didn' love her or care for her...this broke me and hurt me deeply. I couldn't believe what I was hearing...I became the primary breadwinner, took care of nearly all the finaces including debt she had collected prior to us meeting. I bought a house; a dream house w/ every commodity we wished for w/o having to sign my soul away to a mortgage. My step-daughters (I immediately took them in as my own) finally had their own rooms. I thought I was doing the right things towards building our future and planning on our marriage and eventually planning our own family together (right from the beginning, she talked about having a child w/ me).
When she saw how hurt I had become and the beginning of my distance I started giving her, she pursued the insurance, was awarded qualification and was able to start therapy again. Three months ago, she was assigned a new psychiatrist and for the first time, also a therapist & would see them both on a weekly basis. After her 2nd week, she was diagnosed w/ BD and after her consent, was placed on a new medication; Lamictal. The new medication and dual sessions helped stabilize her mood and seeing her in the middle on a daily basis helped her children out tremendously. Then we found out she was pregnant.
For the 2.5 years we had been together, this is what we dreamed about, the premise of buying a house and even had names chosen. Due to her new medication, her psychiatrist explained that there could be potential side effects to the baby during the 1st tri-mester and she was slowly weaned off of it. She fell deeply again and her severe morning sickness added to her misery where we had to go to the hospital for her to receive IVs. This is when she informed the doctors she couldn't go on anymore. She was placed in a psychiatric ward for nine days and during this time, she felt the best thing to do was to get an abortion. It didn't help that she had the support of the psychiatrist at the hospital, who has yet to share his notes w/ her current psychiatrist and therapist. She was placed back onto the Lamictal prior to release and is now doing what she may to get the money for the abortion, including her ex-husband, who is assisting monetarily in the decision. I can't help but think this is a form of "Dysphoric Mania"; I am not a doctor, but have been doing on-going studies about BD so I may be a better partner. I have now taken the steps into counseling for myself.
I feel horrible...I love her...she has been the love of my life, but I told her I couldn't support her decision and wouldn't support her w/ money to have this done. This has naturally, divided us and now that she has her ex-husband involved, that may be the final walking away point. I hope and am finding my faith through patience and love her, but from a distance now...I don't know what to do. Is this common? She fears the pot-partum depression will lead to her suicide & I fully understand her fears; but I also know that she suffers from post-abortion depression and has never forgiven herself or felt closure. I dn't know if I can forgive this... I seek your counsel...